Merry Christmas from Shmoopy!

Photos from the Tenacious D Concert

This is Timmy and me waiting for the concert to begin.


They rocked.


They rocked... so hard...


Even Lee made an appearance!


Go D!!! See you next tour!!!!!

Party UPdate

Well, I have to admit the WSG/Paris party was less exciting than I'd expected. Oh, they were both drunk by the time we got there (Paris was very drunk). But nothing really scandalous happened. Well, there was that one time that WSG grabbed Paris's stick-on boob out of her shirt and then the 7 year old who had crashed the party snatched it and threw it across the room, breaking a picture frame. Then Paris couldn't get the thing to stick back onto her boob, so she announced to the entire party that we would all have to just look at her nipples. Paris was wearing the backless shirt and Whorish Shoe Girl was wearing the dangerously low cut shirt with no bra at all.

AND WSG posed for this photo of her new Whorish Shoes!

The next party will be around Valentine's Day. I can't wait.

News Flash!

I'm going to a party tonight... hosted by Whorish Shoe Girl and her friend Paris! True story.

Let me bring you up to date on their latest antics...

Last week they went out and got really drunk. The next day Paris had to take her lunch break at 9 am. She went home, threw up, took a nap, went to McDonalds for a bag full of french fries, then came back to work.

WSG has started telling me when Paris does things to annoy her. Which is apparently constantly. Paris complains that she needs to save money for her upcoming trip to Costa Rica, then goes out and spends $300 on Chanel earrings... 2 weeks before Christmas! THEN Paris has to tell EVERYONE in the office about her new Chanel earrings. How dare she?!

Yesterday WSG came to work hung over and possibly still drunk from the night before. She and My Boss Who is Kind of a Goober left to drive to Richmond. When he called in later in the day I asked him how the drive was. He said that WSG had to pull over and throw up, so he drove the rest of the way, and she almost didn't make it to the hotel before she had to throw up again. Classic!

Meanwhile, Paris tells me that WSG was really annoying the night before and had stinky feet.

So I'm quite excited about tonight's party. As a bonus, Paris had oral surgery earlier in the week and now has a large supply of Vicodin, which I'm sure will be passed around the party like candies. I can't wait to see what happens!!!!!

How's it going, eh?

Well, I'm in Canada, eh. They are really weird here. They've got funny money and the metric system. They keep saying things like eh and aboot. Weirdos.

Busy week. Busy busy busy. We just got back from the Memphis Thanksgiving festivities week on Saturday. Monday was catch up day at the office after being gone a week. Then Tuesday morning I had to pack up and go to Toronto for 3 days. I'll get home on Friday afternoon. Saturday we're going to Ikea. And Sunday is the TENACIOUS D concert!!!! Wooooooooo!

Overheard in the office this week...

Monday morning -

Whorish Shoe Girl: Hey girl! Did you get really drunk this weekend?
Paris: I DID!
WSG: So did I!
Paris: It was a real good time. I woke up in a pool of my own vomit. I haven't had this much fun since the last time I had my stomach pumped!

Today -

Unprofessional Pete: Hi, what's up?
Paris: Mmmmmf! (eating nachos)
UP: Huh?
Paris: Sorry! My mouth was full.
UP: Oh, like THAT doesn't happen on a regular basis! Get it? Get it?

Some Random Photos

Me at Hoover Dam.


The puppies in their Halloween costumes. Yes, they are recycled costumes.


Me and the BAYBEEEE. Don't get excited. The baby was smiling because she was in the middle of making a very stinky diaper. Ewww.


Timmy at Ikea today. Yay!!!!!

Happy Halloweenie!

Erm, 2 days ago! We had 5 trick-or-treaters this year. Spongebob Squarepants, a princess, a pirate, some kid on roller-blades (not sure what that was supposed to be) and some kid in a graduation outfit (maybe he was a judge?)

What's going on?

I went to Vegas... again. Saw Hoover Dam. It was big. Didn't gamble... again.

We decided not to hire That Guy I Interviewed That Time. Instead we have to hire That Girl Whose Parents Are Friends With The VP.

Unprofessional Pete said this on a conference call last week, "-Insert girl's name here- and I have something to tell all of you... and no, she's not pregnant." Ick.

DMBFreak is bringing the BAYBEE to work tomorrow so she can drool on all of us. Whoopeee.

Speaking of BAYBEES, Omedetoooo Kaylene-san! You know why.

Watch The Office this week!!!!!

The D Returns

We're going to see Tenacious D in December!!!!!! Wooooooo!

My interview today (first one I've ever done) went fine, I think. I may have been delirious with fever. We're going to hire the guy so now I have to think of a snappy nickname for him. Something besides That Guy I Interviewed That Time.

Gotta drop the film off at Costco. Being sick is such an inconvenience.

Have you been watching Heroes? I love the little Japanese guy. But the cheerleader makes me cringe sometimes. I wish they weren't quite so graphic with her storyline. Ewwww.

We're Back!

I gotta go to work now, even though I caught a heinous cold on the plane from Miami. I think I'm supposed to interview someone today.

The Baby Shower Recap

Everyone had a great time. I think it went very well, if I do say so myself.


Food - catered from a local Chinese restaurant. We had beef and broccoli, sesame chicken, shrimp and vegetables, crabmeat rangoon, egg rolls, fried rice, white rice, doughnuts and fortune cookies. I also got a cake from Costco. It had chocolate mousse in the middle. YUM. And Timmy made fudge that was a big hit with everyone.

Games - we had guess how many q-tips are in the jar, secret "dirty" diaper under someone's seat, and pop the balloon with baby names inside. The dirty diaper was made with half a Hershey's bar. Gross!

Presents - she got some really nice things. I got her a Pooh sleeper (cuz I think Pooh is a funny word) and a bottle of Dreft laundry detergent. Her favorite gift was a onesie with lyrics from a Dave Matthews song printed on it.

Bobblehead Wedding

Timmy and I went to UVA (university of Virginia) last weekend for a wedding. It was Timmy's friend from high school (Bobblehead: I call him that because of his freakishly large head in proportion to his body). The wedding was in one of the private gardens on campus, right off of the main lawn. It was nearly impossible to find, and I was swearing a lot whilst walking around the campus in my brand-new high heels. We finally found it (by accident).



Bobblehead's uncle was at the wedding. Timmy wasn't expecting him to come. He's famous and lives in LA. You've seen him on TV. He hosts infomercials. Seriously. Here's a picture...


You might not recognize him but I'm sure if I told you the products he endorses you'd know them.

Bobblehead's indie wine snob buddy from last year's barbecue was also in attendance. He brought his own wine. In a special wine carrying case. I am so not even lying. I overheard him say "Well after our first peer wedding it's really been just a cosmic experience." What the hell does that even mean? Who talks like that? Then he started going on about a Cambodian wedding where they were passing fruit around. What a tool.

The wedding was very short. Afterwards we had to drive across town to where the reception was being held. There was NO parking. We drove around for about 15 minutes looking for a space. FINALLY parked and made it to the party. The food was pretty good. Very fancy-looking tiny hors d'oeuvres (I had to look up the spelling, it may still not be right.) While loading up my plate I overheard THIS statement from one of the guests "All that's keeping {Bobblehead} from being a true Renaissance man is his lack of languages." What is wrong with these people?!

Bobblehead himself was very nice and not pretentious at all. His WIFE was extremely nice. Overall, Timmy and I had a good time.

New Falls Shows, Part the Second

I changed my mind about Justice. I've decided I like it. So there.

The Class - Due to a Dish Network malfunction, I missed the first episode. Now I've decided not to bother.

Heroes - Saw the first one last night and LOVED IT. Especially love the Japanese guy. Check this out - it's been almost 10 years since I was in Japan, but the one Japanese song they played in the bar scene - I KNEW IT! Timmy thinks maybe they only have one song. Anyway, I can't wait to see what happens next.

Shark - I actually really liked this show, too. Maybe my new thing this year will be lawyer shows. Last year it was doctor shows. Now - lawyer shows.

Smith - The first episode was pretty good, but I'm not sure how they can keep it interesting. I'll give it one more week.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - I liked the first episode and I'll keep watching it until I get bored. They may be sooner than later. I didn't like it THAT much.

Returning Shows -

Family Guy - Irreverent as ever. Loves it.

How I Met Your Mother - Missed the first episode due to aforementioned Dish Network snafu. Bummer.

Two and a Half Men - HA! Love me some Charlie Sheen.

The Office - LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT. LMAO! ROTFL!

Lost - Not yet....

Grey's Anatomy - I have a problem with Dr. Derek. Why did he say Meredith had to make the decision, when HE's the one that is FREAKING MARRIED!? I still love him.

Baby Shower - Money

I asked the field employees in our department to send me $20 each for the baby shower. 5 out of 8 sent money. Unprofessional Pete said to me, "I'll make up the difference, and then some!" That was 3 weeks ago. I haven't seen a dime from him. The shower is on Friday. What an ass.

Baby Shower - Preparations

I'm in charge of DMB Freak's baby shower next week. I've been all over town trying to find baby shower decorations. There are none. Can you believe that? I went to Target, Wal-mart, Michaels and Toys R Us. Bummer.

Lost in Emotion

A few weeks ago I was flipping through my Entertainment Weekly when I noticed a strange ad. It said, "Will the Hanso Foundation get away with murder?" It went on about some hacker named Persephone and something called Spider Protocol and an ocean freighter labeled Quarantine. I was like, HEY, that's from LOST. What the krunk is all this. Down at the bottom of the ad was a website for www.insidethelostexperience.com. I've been meaning to check it out ever since but just never got around to it. Until this weekend. Now I'm hooked. All summer long the producers of Lost have been putting fake websites (Hanso Foundation, Apollo Candy, Retrievers of Truth) on the internet with obscure clues and links to corporate websites (Sprite, Jeep, Verizon) with hidden video clips, audio recordings, and weird photos. It's a big promotion to keep the rabid Lost fans interested in the backstory during the summer hiatus. And it's a huge endeavour. I can't believe the detail they've put into this.

LUCKILY, I waited so long in the game to get interested that all of the incredibly hard puzzles and clues have been solved so I just have to follow the "catch up" directions and I reap the benefits of all the netnerds' hard work. Thanks guys!!!

Want a giggle? Check out the Retrivers of Truth website. Weird. Or Hanso Careers.

New TV Season - YEAH!!!!

Vanished - The first episode was kind of interesting, but I don't think I can sign on for another season-long unfolding mystery show. I have enough issues with Lost and Prison Break and possibly The Nine (starting soon). Sorry, I'll have to let this one go.

Justice - Again, I liked the first episode. Just not enough to put it on my must-see list. I wouldn't be against watching reruns if nothing else is on.

Prison Break - BACK AGAIN BABY YEAH!!!! How hotttt is Michael Schofield in his street clothes?! YUM. And even Lincoln looks pretty good, too. I'm having a SERIOUS problem with T-Bag's recently sewn on arm. He literally just had his arm sewn back on, with NO ANESTHESIA, by a VETERINARIAN, and then USES THE ARM to do all kinds of complicated things like dyeing his hair and tying up said veterinarian. That's some BULLSHIT.

So far, that's it. Got the new Bones season opener on Tivo. I'll probably check that out tomorrow. Looking forward to new shoes Heroes, Shark, and Jericho. I'll let you know what I think...

Offensive Comments Last Week

by Unprofessional Pete

1. "My father told me that after 50 you should never waste a hard-on."

2. While writing up a job description for a new hire "Where do I put the part about sexual favors?"

Ewwww

Do This

Go to Google.com and search for "failure." Ha!!!!!

Unprofessionalism 101

There's a guy I work with who is NOT my boss (though he likes to imagine he is) who is so unprofessional. The funny thing is, he reprimands his subordinates for their unprofessional behavior. Then he'll talk about them behind their backs to everyone. "I just yelled at Pretty Boy Floyd because he doesn't have any calls on his cell phone log before 10 am. Ha ha! What a jackass!" Today after listening to one of his MANY foul comments of the day, I said to him, "I'm going to start writing these things down. I'm going to make a file. Seriously. I had to sit through the class. I know how to document these things." He laughed. He thought I was kidding. I wasn't. So starting now I will start listing all of the horrible things he says.

Today my Boss Who is Kind of a Goober was on the phone with a woman that Unprofessional Pete also knew. While BWIKOAG was talking to the woman, UP starts talking LOUDLY about how amazingly fat the woman is. And how hugely obese her husband is. And then he made some crude comments about what it must look like when they're having sex. UP is a LOUD TALKER. I'm sure the woman heard some, if not all of his comments. As did EVERYONE within a 6 cubicle radius. Professional?

Oh, by the way, the first time I met Unprofessional Pete I mentioned that BFCW was a blonde (something about her being goofy, I don't remember the context.) Anyway, he says to me, "So, does the carpet match the curtains?" Really. True story. Timmy was with me - he can back me up on this.

Yuck!

And It Was All Yellow....

This weekend we painted!

First we did the kitchen. The previous owners had painted the walls a nasty beige/ecru color. And check out the horrible fruit stencil around the ceiling. Yecccccht!


We painted the walls "Summer Sun" It is very cheerful looking now!


Then we painted the sunroom. "Chickery Chick" Another shade of yellow. Loves it!!!!

PS. These pictures don't really show the true yellowness of the paint. Oh well.

Pretty Boy Floyd

I work with a guy called Pretty Boy Floyd. Well, I'm the only one who calls him that. Anyway, for some reason, he felt compelled to email a picture of himself wearing an american flag speedo to some co-workers. I would post it here, but you might get sick. He says he was wasted in the photo. But that doesn't explain why he would email to people he works with. Does he think he looks especially good in the photo?

WSG and Paris printed out a copy in color and were waving it around the office yesterday. We had to hide it before HR saw it.


This is a photo of Floyd with his clothes ON.

Our backyard

One More Thing...

Yesterday Paris was wearing what looked like a tube top, except it was a dress. She's so tall and thin that it looked so awkward on her. Bless her heart. I've got to take some pictures of those two!!!!

Happy Birthday Pickles!

Pretty Pretty Princess Pickles is 2 years old today!



That pretty pretty necklace was one of her birthday presents. Isn't she pretty?

WSG Has a Birthday

Last week it was Whorish Shoe Girl’s birthday. Her friend Paris threw her a birthday party. I’ve seen the pictures.

Before the party:
I hear this conversation as Paris’s boss walks by.
P: Hey Boss! Check out these party favors!
Boss: Oh jeez. For God’s sake don’t let anyone from HR see those. And I never saw them either. (runs away shaking head.)

At the party:
WSG and Paris get really wasted (surprise!) The birthday cake, which had Casey Kahne's face painted in frosting, got smashed into WSG's scantily clad chest. Then Paris licked some of the frosting off of WSG's chest. A cake-fight ensued, and eventually both girls were covered in cake. So they stripped down to their underwear and got hosed off... in the middle of the party. Then WSG took off everything except her panties and ran through the party for about an hour. Then she put on a shirt. Everyone did more shots. (Paris showed me and everyone else in the office all of the photos. They have no shame.)

After the party:
WSG got emotional and told Paris that she'd been staying at That Guy's house every night for the past week. But they are NOT back together. ???? Paris yelled at WSG for being a dumbass. WSG leaves in a snit. The next morning Paris rolls into work about an hour late and WSG doesn't show up until after lunch. Final verdict: A good time was had by all (Paris's exact words.)

New Show You Must Watch

It's called "Psych!" No really. It's about a guy with a photographic memory and highly tuned sense of observation who pretends to be psychic so he can work as a private investigator. It's really clever and funny. WATCH IT!!!!!

Photos from Chicago

the photo thingy isn't working again. Booo.

This is Just Awful (True, But Awful)

About two months ago, Whorish Shoe Girl says to me “Jen, I am in love. I’m through running around with all these guys. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.” I said, “okay, who is this guy?” She said they’d known each other all their lives but just never got together before, but now they are together and it’s perfect. I was like, “how long have you been going out?” “Since last week,” she says.

About a week later, Whorish Shoe Girl is telling everyone in the office how much she hates the guy. “We got into a big fight last night and this morning I drove past his wife’s house and his car was out front. Do you believe that shit?” I was all, “he’s fucking MARRIED?!” “Oh yeah, they’re separated.” Helpfully, I said, “apparently not anymore.” “Yeah, well fuck him and fuck her. She can have his stupid ass. I don’t even care.” And she went on with her normal drinking and carrying on lifestyle.

A few weeks later, I hear Whorish Shoe Girl and Paris talking, not whispering, in the office. I only heard about half of the conversation, but I can figure out the subject. I text BFCW “I think Whorish Shoe Girl is preggers.” For the next few days, I keep hearing her talk about it with various people, including #1DMBFan, who as you know is also pregnant. But I don’t say anything. Then one day, Whorish Shoe Girl sends me an email.
WSG: So, have you heard about my situation?
Me: I don’t know what situation you’re talking about, but if you mean ‘condition’ then I think I have an idea.
WSG: Yeah, I meant condition. Don’t tell anybody. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t even fucking like kids. Do you want it?
Me: No.
I forward this email to Timmy with just a one word commentary “Idiot.”

Of course it gets around the office very quickly that she is ‘expecting.’ The only people I told were BFCW and SCWE, just because they are not in the office and it’s my duty to keep them up to date with all the goings on there. EVERYONE else found out because of Whorish Shoe Girl’s own big mouth. She just wouldn’t shut up about it. Telling everyone how happy (!) she was and that she and the father are getting an apartment together (?!) and they love each other again, blah blah blah. She even quit smoking and drinking!

Everything seemed fine for a few weeks. Then she got into another fight with The Guy, who by this time I’ve learned has a bunch of tattoos and is (gasp!) a democrat. Now she’s not moving in with him but they’re still together, sort of.

Then 2 weeks ago she went on a business trip with our boss. She was supposed to be back in the office on that Friday, but didn’t come in. On Monday morning, I heard her on the phone with one of her friends.
“Oh girl! Let me tell you what happened to me! I got twins!!! Yeah! But I lost one last week. Oh no, I’m fine. Yeah, really. Seriously, what the hell was I going to do with TWO?! Ha ha ha! Yeah, it’s cool. Okay, well I’ve got to go. Talk to you later. Bye!”

Not a lie.

So I go ask the admin for our department, cuz she’s always got the scoop. She told me that Whorish Shoe Girl had started miscarrying during the flight back to Virginia and had to be taken directly from the plane to the airport medic. She lost one of the babies but the other was fine. And The Boss was totally freaked out by the whole thing. (I kind of wish I could have seen that actually. He's so scared of women.)

The thing that really bugged me was she seemed so chipper about it! Like it was a big adventure. She even told the VP of the company the story, and laughed about it. He was suitably concerned, but she just waved her hand and laughed and laughed.

It gets worse.

Last Wednesday, Whorish Shoe Girl and I are discussing something work-related, when she just bursts out with, “I can’t have this baby. I’m getting an abortion and telling everyone I miscarried. Don’t tell anybody.” I was like “……uh…” I mean, what do you say to that?! Again with the “don’t tell anybody” and she’s standing in the middle of the office NOT WHISPERING.

Thursday she didn’t come to work and then Friday she came in complaining that they didn’t give her any good pain medication so she drank a half a bottle of wine the night before. She also told everyone her “story,” again almost bragging. I heard her on the phone with The Guy. She told him she hated him and had an abortion and never wanted to talk to him. And also, "who was that whore that answered your phone last night?!" She was shouting at him IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OFFICE. So much for not telling anybody.

That afternoon, Paris is making plans to go out and I hear THIS conversation.
WSG: What time are you going out?
P: Around 7:30. Are you going to come?
WSG: I don’t know. I don’t really feel well.
P: Oh, I hope you feel better. (and I think to myself, oh that’s nice.)
P: I don’t want to go out by myself.

Morons.

Super Dreams

After seeing Superman Returns yesterday, then falling asleep while watching Superman The Movie, I had a Super dream. I dreamt that Superman (Brandon Routh version) asked me to marry him, but the ring he gave me was so freaking ugly that I didn't know how to tell him without hurting his superfeelings. Quite the dilemma.

In real life, if Superman (or Brandon Routh!) asked me to marry him, I think I could deal with an ugly ring. Seriously.

Superman Returns... And He's Yummy

I like the new Superman. I think he fills out his supersuit very nicely. And I LOVE the super hot pants he wears.

Umm, what? Oh right, the rest of the movie was good, too.

I just have one tiny ... not really complaint ... more of an observation. Superman/Clark Kent drank a beer! I don't remember him ever drinking before, except of course in Superman 3 when he was contaminated with the bad kryptonite and got all evil and stuff. THEN he got drunk. But under normal circumstances, did Superman ever drink alcohol before?! Please correct me if I'm wrong but I think the answer is NO. I'm pretty sure he drank a glass of wine now and then when he was on Lois and Clark. Does that count?

Anyway, new Superman = very tasty. Loves it!!!!

We're Back!

The picture thingy seems to be working again!

No Pictures

For some reason my photos aren't loading. >:(

A Week in Chi-Town

Last week I went to Chicago for the BIG PLASTIC CONFERENCE. It was lots of fun. The conference was good, but ya’ll don’t really care about that work stuff now do ya?

The whole gang flew into Chicago on Sunday (Father’s Day AND Little Sister’s birthday.) We stayed at the Palmer House, which is pretty darn fancy. On Sunday night we all went to Howl at the Moon, which is a piano bar. BestestFriend/CoWorker and SweetestCoWorkerEver requested “Sister Christian” and actually went up on stage to sing along. The guy playing the piano was all like “too bad I’m gay” and “you two are very attractive, do you have any brothers?”

Monday night we had a little boat ride/architectural tour/booze cruise. We went up and down the river and then out past Navy Pier into the lake.

Tuesday morning somebody at the conference stole my cell phone. L

On Tuesday night we went to see the White Sox play the Cardinals. I wore my PUJOLS jersey even though he was injured and didn’t play. The Cards got their ASSES handed to them by the Sox. Seriously. Good thing I don’t care about baseball. I had a hotdog and nachos and a chocolate-covered frozen banana (purchased for me by the Boss Who Is Kind of a Goober) and lots of beers. It was a good time.

On Wednesday night we went to the John Hancock building for drinks. AmazinglyAnnoyingA was being amazingly annoying (if you can believe that). We had to wait for Pretty Boy Floyd and a few others and she kept saying “I hope they know we’re going to the John Hancock building,” and “maybe they went ahead to the John Hancock building.” Finally I was like, “for crying out loud if you’re that worried about it why don’t you just go on ahead and we’ll meet you there?!” Well, we went to the Freakin John Hancock building and had grossly overpriced drinks. I was impressed with the view from the ladies’ room. They make a pretty good mojito, too.

After that we went to the Chicago Chop House for dinner. Even though Jackass (who had organized the whole week and managed to screw up everything at least a little) had made a reservation they told us it would be 45 minutes until we could be seated. So we went across the street to the Hard Rock Café and had yet more drinks. THEN we went back to the Chop House. I had the surf and turf. It was gooood. SCWE drank an entire bottle of wine by herself. Then we went next door to the Redhead Bar for more drinks. I was the first one to go back to the hotel – at 3 AM!!!!! SCWE and Floyd had already done 6 shots each by the time I left. I have never seen Floyd so drunk. He kept shouting about buying a Gene Wilder statue with moon boots and a hat that says “Who Farted?” The next day we ran into Floyd and asked him how he’d gotten back to the hotel. He couldn’t remember. He said, “Jesus could have given me a ride home and I wouldn’t have known it.” Awesome.

Thursday night SCWE’s friend DP met us at the hotel bar. Turns out his apartment was across the street from our hotel all week! AAA decided to walk around Millennium Park (at night! By herself!!!!) so we didn’t have to deal with her. Hooray. We went to Leaping Lizards – a Mexican restaurant in Lincoln Park. We tried to go to another Mexican restaurant but they were closing – at 9:45 on a Thursday! Whatev. Leaping Lizards was good. BFCW and I split a pitcher of margaritas. Then we went across the street to a bar it was PACKED! My flight was early the next morning so I left around 1 am.

Tomorrow Timmy and I are going to St. Thomas for a week. Yippeeeee!

We Got Gnomes

Loves it!


I've named them Eric Lensher (spelling?) and Charles Xavier.

Babies Babies Babies

1. Sally just had a baby! Congratulations!!!!!

2. The new girl in the office (who will be referred to as DMBFreak because of her obsession with Dave Matthews) is preggers. I'm trying to talk her out of naming the baby (a girl) Davida after guess who.

3. Whorish Shoe Girl !!!! is also expecting. She's already offered to give me the baby. In her words "I don't even like babies, What the F am I going to do with it?" Ah jeez.

4. I am NOT pregnant. Hooray.

The Fence is Done!

Random Facts About My iPod

10 Most Played Songs

10. Rio by Duran Duran
9. California Stars by Billy Bragg
8. The Four Seasons (Summer) by Vivaldi - I'm as surprised as you are
7. Unwell (Acoustic) by Rob Thomas
6. Abracadabra by Sugar Ray
5. Canned Heat by Jamiroquai
4. Africa by Toto
3. Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick
2. Sitting Waiting Wishing by Jack Johnson
1. SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW by Lustra

Scotty Doesn't Know, Scotty Doesn't Know, Scotty Doesn't Know!

And now I will hit "Shuffle Songs" and see what comes up:

1. You're So Real by Matchbox 20
2. Don't Make Me Prove it by Veruca Salt
3. How Soon Is Now by Love Spit Love
4. Walk On by U2
5. Miss You by The Rolling Stones
6. Mellowship Slinky in B Major by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
7. Life for Rent by Dido
8. I'm Like Yeah But She's All No by the Mr. T Experience
9. Washes Away by Trespassers William
10. Lonely As You by the Foo Fighters

Fun!!!!

Season Finales

The Office:
OMG! How sweet was the ending? When Jim told Pam that he loved her, and she was all "I can't", and he was all "I just had to tell you" and wiped away a tear and walked away, and then Pam was telling her mom on the phone, and then Jim walks in, and Pam hung up the phone and started to say something, and then Jim kissed her, and she kissed him back!!!!!!

And that was the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's going to happen next? Is Pam really going to marry Roy? Is she going to run away to Australia with Jim? Is Jim going to take that job transfer? I can't wait 4 months! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay, okay, I'll just watch Season One on DVD all summer. Bummer.

Prison Break:
Whoa! Full of surprises. I'm glad that Haywire made it out. He's funny. But I'm really bummed about the Dr. What's HER deal? I HATE that they ended on a cliff-hanger. Boooo!

Scrubs:
Another cliff-hanger. Bleh. I don't think the baby is JD's.

My Name Is Earl:
This show is some funny shit. I'm glad Earl got the money back so he can continue to do good things. Great show!

Grey's Anatomy:
I am so over Meredith and McDreamy. I don't know why. It's just drug on forever. And they've made poor Addison so likable now.

I'm scared of George's girlfriend. That girl is huuuuuuuge.

Denny and Izzie.... I can't talk about it yet.... Sob

Still to go... Charmed, Lost, Bones

Why Denny? WHY?!

We're Really Building a Fence This Time!

Seriously. We've got the backyard all staked out and all the utilities marked. Unfortunately it looks like our utility lines run straight through where we wanted to put the fence. So we'll probably have to come inside the property line another foot or two.

Always A Good Decision

I really like the Cherry Wheat beer from Sam Adams. It's yummy.

My favorite has to be their Hefeweizen.

Several bars in town have started serving Magic Hat #8 or something like that. It's kind of gross. I think it's apricot flavored. Ewwwww.

Ackkkk

I haven't had any sugar for three weeks.

THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!

I seriously need a Kit Kat.

A Brush With Greatness... In Vegas (Baby)

So, the very first night I was in Vegas, Bestest Friend/Co-Worker, her boyfriend, her cousin, and I went out to Caesar's Palace after dinner. We were standing at the craps table. BFCW was trying to figure out how to bet (craps is so confusing.) This little guy walked up to the table and yelled, "hey man, can I get a chair?" So the dealer grabbed him a chair to stand on. He got up on the chair and started betting.

Well, BFCW's boyfriend (Tastykakes) looks at the little guy, then looks at me. "Hey, that dude looks like freaking Webster!" I looked at him. "It totally is! It's FREAKING Webster!" SO NOT EVEN A LIE. It was freaking Webster. Right after he got there, some random guy asked for his autograph and everything.

We played craps with Webster for about an hour. I’ve got pictures on my cell phone but I haven’t been able to send them to my computer yet.

Office Update

Whorish Shoe Girl has been busy. The last few weeks have included the following shenanigans:
She got really drunk at a NASCAR race and flashed her chest at Kasey Kahne's car as it drove past (probably 500 times)
She got really drunk and had sex with a marine (who she'd just met) while her cell phone was on so some other guy heard it
She got really drunk and walked out into the interstate in the middle of the night
She got really drunk at her friend's birthday party and put her boobs in the cake (I've seen pictures of this!) THEN made out with some guy she'd just met
She got really drunk and showed the aforementioned pictures to two very high officers in the company at a bar they were all drinking at (to be fair, the two very high officers were also really drunk)

What really amazes me is how proud she is of these accomplishments. Every morning she comes in and announces the latest to the entire office.

In other office gossip, I'm getting a new co-worker/subordinate on Monday. She offically won't be reporting to me, but really I'll be sort of in charge of her. Especially since next week both The Boss and My Boss Who Is Kind Of A Goober will be out most of the week, leaving me alone to manage the department. I'll let you all know how it goes.

My New Favorite TV Show

I forgot to mention it... So NoTORIous. Seriously. Timmy thinks it's stupid, but I think it's freakin hysterical!!!!

A Few Photos of Vegas (Baby)

Caesar's Palace


Bellagio fountain show seen from the Eiffel Tower


Bestest Friend/Co-Worker

We Won The Lottery... Twice!

In the same week! Yep, we won a total of $4!

Woooohooooooo!

Why I Haven't Written:

SpongeBob Squarepants: The Movie for Playstation 2

Vegas (Baby): Prologue

I'm going to Vegas (baby)!

Wooooooooooo!

I'm leaving tomorrow and won't be back all week.

More Animal Cruelty

We shaved the cat. Hee hee.

BEFORE


AFTER

Notes From Columbus

We loaded up the puppies and drove 6 hours to Columbus. Here is Sweetest Co-Worker Ever with the puppies (photo taken at Bestest Friend/CoWorker's house). Awwww.


Friday was St. Patrick's Day, so we all went out to an Irish pub in downtown Columbus.


A gaggle of bagpipers came in and played a few songs. We tried to get them to play "Free Bird" but they said they didn't know it.


Timmy drank a lot of Guinness. Gross!


Sweetest Co-Worker Ever


Pickles in her leprechaun suit.


On Saturday we took the puppies for a walk. This is Bestest Friend/Co-Worker's dog Rilie and her boyfriend Tastykakes.


Did you know there are drive-through liquor stores in Ohio?


SCWE


On Saturday night we played beer pong.



Sadly, Timmy and I lost to SCWE and BFCW.

Road Trip

The whole family (minus the cats) is going to Columbus for St. Patrick's Day. Why Columbus? Why not!? We've never been there.

Gosh! I just don't feel that talkative today.

Probably still depressed from not winning the lottery.

Happy Uncluttering Day!

I just made that up. Our house is cluttered. So...

1. I put all our beach/cruise stuff in one bag. When we get ready to go on vacation, we can just grab the bag and we're ready to go!

2. ...

Actually, that's all I've managed so far.

Nachos

When I win the lottery I'm going to eat nachos every day.

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnachoooooooooooooos!

What's Going On?

My computer got a new hard drive... Hooray!
And lots more memory.. Yippeeee!!!!

Godzilla the Temp was asked to leave and the new temp is AWESOME. She's a keeper.

Work is dumb.

Didn't win the lottery AGAIN despite two lottery systems within 15 minutes of us. Well, there's still MegaMillions on Tuesday but looks like Powerball is over this time.

Here's what I've done to get ready to win the lottery:
Cleaned the house. I figure we'll probably hire a maid once we're rich, and I didn't want her to think we were slobs.
Did the laundry so I'd have something clean to wear to pick up my giant check.
Looked at house plans for our new mansion. My favorite had a pool with a swim-up bar and a butler's pantry (where we can store our butler when we're not using him.)
Thought about buying a tour bus so we can ride in the back and play video games while someone else deals with traffic and stuff.
Wrote "win lottery" in my daily planner on Wednesday, then forwarded to Saturday when I didn't win. I guess I'll have to forward it again to Tuesday now. Gosh!

Um, that's it.

Puppy Bowl II

You have to turn on Animal Planet right now and watch the Puppy Bowl. It is just a bunch of puppies playing on an indoor football field. Whenever one of them has an "accident" a referee comes out and cleans it up. And there is a camera in the bottom of the water bowl that is too cute!

I can't wait for the Kitty Half-Time show!

Much much much better than that other silly game that's going to be on later today.

Our House Almost Got Blowed Up

True story. Monday night we were watching tv and suddenly the entire house shook. I was like, "What the hell was that?" Timmy went outside with a flashlight to see if a tree had fallen on the roof. Nope. So we settled back down to watching tv.

Tuesday morning I stopped at Sheetz to get some coffee and as I was standing at the counter I noticed the front page of the local paper. "Jackass Blows Up House" or something like that. They are still investigating the cause, but what happened was a house about a mile from ours completely blew up. The paper said the blast could be felt up to 10 miles away. People in nearby houses were thrown out of their beds and stuff flew off the walls. Front doors flew open and windows were shattered. One girl who was sitting at her computer banged her head on the monitor (that one is a little funny to me.) 38 houses suffered damage and 11 were condemned. My friend who is the Southern Living at Home consultant had to get a building inspector to come out to look at their structural damage.

Here's the odd thing: we never heard any sirens on Monday night. Weird....

Fashion Faux Pas

Maybe I spelled that correctly.

TODAY one of the office ladies was wearing...
Black leather high-heeled knee boots with the slouchy ankles
Black hose
Black suede-like bolero jacket
Black lacey ruffley shirt
Black peasant skirt
WITH
A Black leather belt with shiny silver belt buckles all over it

Why?

It's True - My Computer is Really F'd

It took 3 emails, 2 phone calls, and an angry storming upstairs with the laptop in my arms (by me), but I finally got the IT department to realize there was a problem with my laptop. At first they were all like, oh it must be your imagination, the computer appears to be working, I don't hear any strange noises. But when I caught them on their way to lunch and shoved the computer at them - they ran a diagnostic on it just to shut me up. And what was the result? Harddrive FAILED! I was all like, "I KNEW IT!!!!!" So now they have to order me a new harddrive. Ha.

Temp. Insanity

In the last year, I'll bet I've trained at least 10 different people. Most of them were temps. The last couple were HORRIBLE.

1. The Purchase Order Nazi. Was on a MAJOR power trip, even though she was a temporary employee. She kept changing things without getting approval and got all bent out of shape if you ever even hinted that she may have made a mistake. She got a permanent job one day and just walked. Good riddance, I say.

2. Double Z. Whoa, she was OUT THERE. I think the IT department had to reset her password at least 15 times because she'd have the Caps lock on and not realize it, then get locked out of her account because she'd try to log in with all caps OVER AND OVER AND OVER until the computer just had enough! She talked to herself a lot, too. All day long I'd hear her, "Okay okay okay, now wait, OOOOOOkay." She was unbelievably literal-minded. She'd freak out when she couldn't find a company name in the computer, let's say "Johnson's Recycling," because she'd type in "Johnsons Recycling." Seriously. She would FREAK OUT. After dealing with her for a week while I was on vacation, The Boss Who is Kind of a Goober said she had to go.

3. Godzilla. I know I am prone to hyperbole but the following is NO exaggeration: This woman has to be 6 ft. 2 and 250 pounds. She's got a manly voice and loooong nails with turquoise tips. So not even a lie. Her nails make it slow-going when she has to type, which is pretty much all of the time, with her having a data entry job and all. And when she doesn't have anything to do - she just sits there and stares at nothing. She doesn't check her emails to see if new work is there. I have to print things and hand them to her, "Okay, now do this." Today I asked her to tell me when she had a moment for me to show her how to do something, but when she did get finished with what she had been doing she just sat there again. Unfortunately she hasn't screwed anything up yet so other than her creepy sullen attitude she seems to be working out okay. Oh wait! I forgot about her guns! I got a peek at her resume before she started and she has her instructor's credentials in pistol and rifle!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! I'm afraid to try to get her replaced - she'll either shoot me or she's so big she could probably just pick me up and break me in half. If I suddenly stop posting you'll know what happened.

It's Japanese, Yo

Watashi no Funny Language wa Japanese desu yo. I still remember a little.

Kingyobachi is still my favorite word. (Means "goldfish bowl") Hee...

Sleepy Time

We bought a KING SIZED mattress. It is so awesome. It nearly fills up our entire bedroom. But it is worth it. What else do we use that room for anyway?

We're Having a Party

And everyone is invited! I told one of my buddies that I'd have a Southern Living at Home party. They've got nice stuff and we NEVER EVER have anyone over. Plus, it gives me that extra incentive to clean the bathrooms. I can't have filthy bathrooms if PEOPLE are coming over!!!!

I invited Whorish Shoe Girl and her friend Paris - just for my own amusement. I invited a bunch of other people from work who never talk to me - so they'll feel REALLY bad about not talking to me. And I invited Sweetest Co-Worker Ever - cause she's so much F.U.N!

That reminds me - did ya'll see the episode of Spongebob Squarepants where Spongebob tried to be Plankton's friend and they sang the FUN song? "F is for Fire! U is for Uranium bombs! N is for No Survivors!!!!" HA HA HA. That Plankton cracks me up.

My Computer is F'ed

Seriously. On Thursday it was working fine. I went to lunch, and when I came back it was making a rattling/grinding noise. One of the IT people was foolishly walking by (okay, why do these people even walk around the office? They KNOW they're going to get stopped at every other desk!) so I grabbed him and said, "HEY! Listen to this. Should I be worried?" He said, "Whoa. You better back up everything RIGHT NOW." I was like, it seems to be running okay, just making this funny noise. He said it sounded to him like my hard drive was going to crash...any minute!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!!!! So I backed up everything onto the shared drive real quick and waited for my computer to blow up. It never did. So I thought, well, I'll bring in some blank discs tomorrow and back everything up on them, so that my dog photos won't be on the company mainframe for all of the office to see. I've tried 4 different blank discs and the computer starts copying the files, freezes up, and says I have a defective disc. Whatever. I know it's my computer. I'm just going to have to sit back and wait for the smoke to start pouring out of it I guess. Maybe I'll get a new laptop? Yay!

Alas, Poor Toe

I dropped the remote on my toe. It hurt. A LOT.
I'm almost positive I broke it. I've had a lot of experience breaking things in stupid ways, and I know how it feels.

In elementary school I fell off the jungle gym and broke my arm.
The next year I fell off a chair and broke my arm.
The NEXT year I ran into a pole (seriously) and broke my wrist.
A few years ago I missed the last step and broke my foot.

Ouch. :(

Congratulations!

Hey, let's give a great big Sotsugyoo omedetoo gozaimasu to my ichiban tomodati Manjoo (great name!) She's going to have a baby! Holy crap!

Happy New Year!

Akemashite omedetoo gozaimasu!



Kotoshi mo yoroshiku onegaishimasu!


Deshyoo neee!