Mystery Kitten peeking from his(?) usual hiding spot behind the toilet.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Sunday, May 29, 2005
What a Weekend
So far this weekend we have:
Captured Mystery Kitten (this involved an all-day stake-out that culminated in a daring snatch of said kitten by me and an excruciating bite of my finger by said kitten)
Swept an unbelievable amount of pug hair from every room in the house
Vacuumed another unbelievable amount of pug hair from carpets and furniture
Took vacuum cleaner apart and cleaned unbelievable amount of pug hair from all parts
Printed and distributed Free Kitten flyers to Petsmart and local vet offices
Paid property taxes
Balanced checkbooks
Painted the walls and trim of the hallway (2 day job)
Done 5 loads of laundry
Scooped out 5 litter boxes approximately 27 times
Taken 8 Tylenols (collectively)
Consumed 2 beers (each)
Tomorrow give Pickles a bath, go to Timmy's parents' house for a barbecue, and I get to meet his Aunt and Uncle whose names I've already forgotten.
Free Kittens!
Captured Mystery Kitten (this involved an all-day stake-out that culminated in a daring snatch of said kitten by me and an excruciating bite of my finger by said kitten)
Swept an unbelievable amount of pug hair from every room in the house
Vacuumed another unbelievable amount of pug hair from carpets and furniture
Took vacuum cleaner apart and cleaned unbelievable amount of pug hair from all parts
Printed and distributed Free Kitten flyers to Petsmart and local vet offices
Paid property taxes
Balanced checkbooks
Painted the walls and trim of the hallway (2 day job)
Done 5 loads of laundry
Scooped out 5 litter boxes approximately 27 times
Taken 8 Tylenols (collectively)
Consumed 2 beers (each)
Tomorrow give Pickles a bath, go to Timmy's parents' house for a barbecue, and I get to meet his Aunt and Uncle whose names I've already forgotten.
Free Kittens!
Thursday, May 26, 2005
More Kitten Drama
Okay, so I was already running a few minutes late for work this morning. I walked out the door, glanced to my right, and there it was. Kitten #2... back from the dead. We looked at each other, then the little sucker turned and ran around the corner of the house. I put my purse down and tiptoed around after it. It looked at me. I tried to look casual. After about a minute, it forgot I was there and started to creep around. That's when I made my move. I lunged at it and...
it ran in the opposite direction, heading directly under my car.
Crap!
I retrieved my purse and went to the car. I peered underneath. Nothing. I opened the hood and looked in the engine. Didn't see it. I got a stick and poked the bunch of weeds beside the driveway. No kitties there. I got back on the ground and looked underneath again. Still didn't see it. I went and got the hose, then sprayed the entire underside of the car. Zilch. During this whole ordeal, Mama Kitty is just sitting beside the back door of the house, watching. I figured the kitten must have snuck off when I wasn't paying attention and was by that time hiding under a bush somewhere laughing at me. I popped the hood one more time and jingled my car keys a bunch, hoping to spook it from its hiding place. I closed the hood and got in the car. I started the engine and waited a minute. Then I s.l.o.w.l.y backed out the driveway. All the way to work I kept looking in my rear view mirrors for kittens to fall out. But none did.
Mama Kitty was waiting right in the same spot when I got home from work but no sign of Mystery Kitten. Hopefully it will be back tomorrow morning. Hopefully it will not run for my car again. I don't know how much more of that I can take.
it ran in the opposite direction, heading directly under my car.
Crap!
I retrieved my purse and went to the car. I peered underneath. Nothing. I opened the hood and looked in the engine. Didn't see it. I got a stick and poked the bunch of weeds beside the driveway. No kitties there. I got back on the ground and looked underneath again. Still didn't see it. I went and got the hose, then sprayed the entire underside of the car. Zilch. During this whole ordeal, Mama Kitty is just sitting beside the back door of the house, watching. I figured the kitten must have snuck off when I wasn't paying attention and was by that time hiding under a bush somewhere laughing at me. I popped the hood one more time and jingled my car keys a bunch, hoping to spook it from its hiding place. I closed the hood and got in the car. I started the engine and waited a minute. Then I s.l.o.w.l.y backed out the driveway. All the way to work I kept looking in my rear view mirrors for kittens to fall out. But none did.
Mama Kitty was waiting right in the same spot when I got home from work but no sign of Mystery Kitten. Hopefully it will be back tomorrow morning. Hopefully it will not run for my car again. I don't know how much more of that I can take.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
How To Tame a Feral Kitten
Step One - Snatch kitten from hiding spot in bushes one Sunday afternoon. Wear long sleeved sweatshirt and jeans for protection from panic-stricken hissy fit. Ignore baleful looks from Mama Kitty.
Step Two - Ignore disgusted looks from inside cats as you spirit the kitten through the house and into the bathroom for de-flea-ing.
Step Three - Give terrified kitten bath in sink. This is to kill fleas. Use room temperature water and mild dish detergent. Kitten may hiss, scratch, spit, or try to escape. You're still wearing the long-sleeved sweatshirt, right? Use a flea comb to get all the fleas out of the kitten's fur.
Step Four - Dry off kitten and place in empty dog crate with a small litter box, a bowl of water and a small towel to use as a blanket. Cover the crate with an old sheet so the kitten won't feel exposed. Have a radio or tv playing softly nearby so kitten can get used to people noises.
Step Five - Lock up all other animals in your house. Don't let them in the same room as the kitten. There are two reasons for this: 1. To prevent spread of whatever infectious diseases the kitten may have. 2. To prevent psycho-jealous catfight on the kitten's already traumatic first day in the house.
Step Six - Apply antibacterial ointment and bandages to gashes in hands and arms from terrified kitten during bathtime.
Step Seven - Give the kitten some time alone to get over it. Spend quality time with other pets, as they are probably pissed at your betrayal.
Step Eight - After a while, attempt to get kitten interested in eating. Smelly canned food is best, the smellier the better. You can also try chicken and rice baby food. If the kitten seems too scared of your hand to eat, try smearing just a little bit on its lips. If it is still too scared of you, just leave a dollop in the food dish and step away.
Step Nine - Talk to the kitten whenever you get the urge. Try to get the kitten to associate you with feeding time. If the kitten seems up to it, open the crate and let it out to explore the room. Don't give it free roam of the house and don't let your other pets in the room while the kitten is out.
Step Ten - Watch incredulously as your boyfriend somehow manages to tame this "wild" kitten within the first day. Start calling the kitten "Fuzz Butt" as a joke.
Step Eleven - Roll your eyes when boyfriend declares that he wants to keep this kitten. Remind him that you already have two other cats and a dog, AND he's the one who's been lobbying for a second dog. Start thinking of alternative names so that "Fuzz Butt" doesn't end up permanent. These nicknames have a way of sticking, as you have already discovered which is why you have a cat named Krusty.
Step Twelve - Decide kitten is pretty tame so move bed, food and litter box to bathroom. Let other animals loose in the house again. Tell them to "get over it" as they stalk through the house growling at the unknown kitten scent.
Step Thirteen - Start spreading it around town that you have a Free Kitten to Good Home. Pray someone responds soon so you don't end up with three cats.
If you are patient, a 6-8 week old kitten should become accustomed to you within a matter of days. They seem to be easier to tame alone rather than in groups. However, beware of anxiety-caused all night yowling on the first few nights if you just have the one kitten. You would not believe how loud such a little kitten can be in the middle of the night.
Step Two - Ignore disgusted looks from inside cats as you spirit the kitten through the house and into the bathroom for de-flea-ing.
Step Three - Give terrified kitten bath in sink. This is to kill fleas. Use room temperature water and mild dish detergent. Kitten may hiss, scratch, spit, or try to escape. You're still wearing the long-sleeved sweatshirt, right? Use a flea comb to get all the fleas out of the kitten's fur.
Step Four - Dry off kitten and place in empty dog crate with a small litter box, a bowl of water and a small towel to use as a blanket. Cover the crate with an old sheet so the kitten won't feel exposed. Have a radio or tv playing softly nearby so kitten can get used to people noises.
Step Five - Lock up all other animals in your house. Don't let them in the same room as the kitten. There are two reasons for this: 1. To prevent spread of whatever infectious diseases the kitten may have. 2. To prevent psycho-jealous catfight on the kitten's already traumatic first day in the house.
Step Six - Apply antibacterial ointment and bandages to gashes in hands and arms from terrified kitten during bathtime.
Step Seven - Give the kitten some time alone to get over it. Spend quality time with other pets, as they are probably pissed at your betrayal.
Step Eight - After a while, attempt to get kitten interested in eating. Smelly canned food is best, the smellier the better. You can also try chicken and rice baby food. If the kitten seems too scared of your hand to eat, try smearing just a little bit on its lips. If it is still too scared of you, just leave a dollop in the food dish and step away.
Step Nine - Talk to the kitten whenever you get the urge. Try to get the kitten to associate you with feeding time. If the kitten seems up to it, open the crate and let it out to explore the room. Don't give it free roam of the house and don't let your other pets in the room while the kitten is out.
Step Ten - Watch incredulously as your boyfriend somehow manages to tame this "wild" kitten within the first day. Start calling the kitten "Fuzz Butt" as a joke.
Step Eleven - Roll your eyes when boyfriend declares that he wants to keep this kitten. Remind him that you already have two other cats and a dog, AND he's the one who's been lobbying for a second dog. Start thinking of alternative names so that "Fuzz Butt" doesn't end up permanent. These nicknames have a way of sticking, as you have already discovered which is why you have a cat named Krusty.
Step Twelve - Decide kitten is pretty tame so move bed, food and litter box to bathroom. Let other animals loose in the house again. Tell them to "get over it" as they stalk through the house growling at the unknown kitten scent.
Step Thirteen - Start spreading it around town that you have a Free Kitten to Good Home. Pray someone responds soon so you don't end up with three cats.
If you are patient, a 6-8 week old kitten should become accustomed to you within a matter of days. They seem to be easier to tame alone rather than in groups. However, beware of anxiety-caused all night yowling on the first few nights if you just have the one kitten. You would not believe how loud such a little kitten can be in the middle of the night.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
We Got One
A kitten, that is. Mama Kitty took the all-gray kitten out for a walk today and we snatched it. He's so cute and fuzzy. I'm using the pronoun "he" for now, I haven't examined him that closely yet. Anyway, we couldn't find any other kittens, and Mama Kitty didn't go back to her hiding spot under the shed, so we're wondering if this is the only one that has survived. We're going to keep a close eye on her and might try peeping under the shed with a flashlight.
So, the little kitten - name to be determined - is now sitting in the dog crate in our dining room. I gave him a bath in dishwashing detergent first thing. I figured he was already traumatized, might as well get him clean now. I only found one flea, but there was a lot of flea dirt so I'm keeping an eye out. All the inside animals have been treated with Frontline and most of the floors are hardwood. I think we'll be okay. Krusty is kind of pissed off. She is stalking around the house growling. Shmoopy doesn't seem too concerned. She's already got her hands full keeping an eye on the dog. Pickles has no clue. Yet.
We don't have any canned cat food in the house so I put a little kitten chow in the crate. I'll go get some stinky cat food tomorrow. He probably won't feel like eating tonight anyway. I've got a sheet covering most of the crate so he feels like he's safe in a little cave. I'll take some pictures of him tomorrow. I think he's been through enough today.
So, the little kitten - name to be determined - is now sitting in the dog crate in our dining room. I gave him a bath in dishwashing detergent first thing. I figured he was already traumatized, might as well get him clean now. I only found one flea, but there was a lot of flea dirt so I'm keeping an eye out. All the inside animals have been treated with Frontline and most of the floors are hardwood. I think we'll be okay. Krusty is kind of pissed off. She is stalking around the house growling. Shmoopy doesn't seem too concerned. She's already got her hands full keeping an eye on the dog. Pickles has no clue. Yet.
We don't have any canned cat food in the house so I put a little kitten chow in the crate. I'll go get some stinky cat food tomorrow. He probably won't feel like eating tonight anyway. I've got a sheet covering most of the crate so he feels like he's safe in a little cave. I'll take some pictures of him tomorrow. I think he's been through enough today.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Movie Review: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Timmy and I went to see this last weekend but I'm just now getting around to writing this up. Sorry.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the big budget film adaptation of the book, radio series, and BBC television series of the same name. It is a perfect blend of science fiction and absurdity. I was first introduced to the work of Douglas Adams in high school when I read The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It grabbed me right from the first page. "The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." See? And it just gets better! My favorite character (as is most people's) was Marvin the Paranoid Android. When he stood up to the gigantic black battle tank and told it to "guess" what he was armed with, which turned out to be "Nothing at all, not an electronic sausage," and the machine got so angry that it smashed down the walls and the ceiling and the floor, thereby plummeting fifteen stories and smashing itself to bits - Hell, that's funny. Anyway, I went back and read the Hitchhiker's Guide next and it did not disappoint at all. I was very excited and a little nervous when I heard they were making a film version.
It's the story of Earthman Arthur Dent, who is saved at the moment of the Earth's demolition by his friend Ford Prefect, who it turns out is Not from Guildford as he had claimed, but from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelguese. Their hitchhiking adventures take them literally across the galaxy, with the help of Zaphod Beeblebrox - the two-headed, three-armed President of the Galaxy, Trillian - an Earth woman who is traveling with Beeblebrox, and the manically depressed Marvin the Android. The movie did a pretty good job of capturing the feeling of the book. I especially liked how they incorporated several details mentioned in the book, such as the jewel encrusted crabs that the Vogons enjoyed smashing to bits, and the happy doors that sigh as you walk through them. Obviously the movie is not exactly like the book. In fact, about halfway through the movie the plot takes a sharp turn to the right and ends up in a completely different place than I was expecting. But I think it all worked out. I do have to nitpick the ending. It was different than the book's ending, and I feel like it is contrived and lame. But that's just my opinion. The actors were great. Arthur Dent and most especially Zaphod Beeblebrox were excellent. Another great addition: the excerpts from the Hitchhiker's Guide that were interspersed throughout the movie. "Vogon poetry is the third worst in the Universe. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex, England, in the destruction of the planet Earth."
Overall impressions: The film was a little manic. It was almost as if the writers knew they had a lot of great material that they wanted to get into the script, so they shoved as much in as possible. It might be hard for someone to follow if they haven't read the book. However, very funny and well done.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the big budget film adaptation of the book, radio series, and BBC television series of the same name. It is a perfect blend of science fiction and absurdity. I was first introduced to the work of Douglas Adams in high school when I read The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It grabbed me right from the first page. "The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." See? And it just gets better! My favorite character (as is most people's) was Marvin the Paranoid Android. When he stood up to the gigantic black battle tank and told it to "guess" what he was armed with, which turned out to be "Nothing at all, not an electronic sausage," and the machine got so angry that it smashed down the walls and the ceiling and the floor, thereby plummeting fifteen stories and smashing itself to bits - Hell, that's funny. Anyway, I went back and read the Hitchhiker's Guide next and it did not disappoint at all. I was very excited and a little nervous when I heard they were making a film version.
It's the story of Earthman Arthur Dent, who is saved at the moment of the Earth's demolition by his friend Ford Prefect, who it turns out is Not from Guildford as he had claimed, but from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelguese. Their hitchhiking adventures take them literally across the galaxy, with the help of Zaphod Beeblebrox - the two-headed, three-armed President of the Galaxy, Trillian - an Earth woman who is traveling with Beeblebrox, and the manically depressed Marvin the Android. The movie did a pretty good job of capturing the feeling of the book. I especially liked how they incorporated several details mentioned in the book, such as the jewel encrusted crabs that the Vogons enjoyed smashing to bits, and the happy doors that sigh as you walk through them. Obviously the movie is not exactly like the book. In fact, about halfway through the movie the plot takes a sharp turn to the right and ends up in a completely different place than I was expecting. But I think it all worked out. I do have to nitpick the ending. It was different than the book's ending, and I feel like it is contrived and lame. But that's just my opinion. The actors were great. Arthur Dent and most especially Zaphod Beeblebrox were excellent. Another great addition: the excerpts from the Hitchhiker's Guide that were interspersed throughout the movie. "Vogon poetry is the third worst in the Universe. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex, England, in the destruction of the planet Earth."
Overall impressions: The film was a little manic. It was almost as if the writers knew they had a lot of great material that they wanted to get into the script, so they shoved as much in as possible. It might be hard for someone to follow if they haven't read the book. However, very funny and well done.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Yet Another Recycling Conference, Part 3
I woke up on Tuesday morning with a frog in my throat. I thought, "must be all that wine I had last night." Got to the booth at 7:45. A. rolled in at her usual time of 8:45. The conference was pretty quiet. I guess a lot of people were still feeling the effects of the previous night. A. decided to attend one of the meetings - "Status of Trash" - while I hung out at the booth. The exhibits were supposed to be open until noon, but everyone started packing up at 10:30. So I started packing up, too. A.'s mom and boyfriend showed up around 11 and they helped me take the booth apart. So A. managed to avoid both the construction and tearing down of the booth. What a life! After the booth was packed up, me and M. and A.'s mom sat around and looked at each other for an hour. Then A. came back from her meeting, and proceeded to get on her cell phone for 45 minutes. The other three of us grabbed lunch (sandwiches) and ate while listening to A. talk and talk and talk.
At 1:30 we went down to the lake for a scenic boat tour of Lake George. It was nice. Very pretty. And chilly. I probably should have sat downstairs inside the boat but I wanted to see the lovely scenery and stuff. After an hour of that I was thorougly frozen. I went back to my room at 3:30. A. was going to figure out how to fit all the booth stuff in her car, with her mom and her boyfriend and all their luggage. I figured I didn't need to be around for that, especially since I had practially packed all that stuff up myself. So there.
I went to my room and took a hot shower. Remember the little frog in my throat? Well, by this time it has become a horrible aching sore throat. And my ears felt itchy. I decided to lay down and take a nap. I woke up at 6 feeling miserable. Pounding head, itchy sore throat, cough, stuffy ears. Bleh. I was supposed to meet A. and the gang at 6:30 for dinner and CASINO NIGHT (probably involving free alcohol). I called A. and croaked, "I'm not coming. I'm dying. Have fun without me." I stayed in and called room service and watched Sex and the City on TBS.
Wednesday morning I woke up feeling even worse. I took a shower (that seemed to help a bit) and packed up all my stuff. A. called to find out if I was ready for her to drive me to the airport and she sounded a little froggy. HA HA! She's got the same thing I do, just a day later! HA HA HA HA. I know it's not nice of me to be amused by another's misfortunes. So what? HA! I could tell she wasn't feeling very well because there were actually whole MINUTES of no conversation in the car to the airport. Amazing.
There was a bird inside the airport. It was pecking at the window, obviously trying to get out. I told one of the airport employees and he said "There's lots of birds in here. Try not to get pecked." Nice attitude.
I got home at 4 pm. There were about 10 messages on my machine that I didn't bother to listen to. I figured they could wait and if not, too bad. The dog was VERY excited to see me. Timmy was less excited to see me - he doesn't want to catch whatever it is I have contracted.
So that's it. Until the next recycling conference in two weeks. That one will also be with A. and I think her mother. Oh joy!
At 1:30 we went down to the lake for a scenic boat tour of Lake George. It was nice. Very pretty. And chilly. I probably should have sat downstairs inside the boat but I wanted to see the lovely scenery and stuff. After an hour of that I was thorougly frozen. I went back to my room at 3:30. A. was going to figure out how to fit all the booth stuff in her car, with her mom and her boyfriend and all their luggage. I figured I didn't need to be around for that, especially since I had practially packed all that stuff up myself. So there.
I went to my room and took a hot shower. Remember the little frog in my throat? Well, by this time it has become a horrible aching sore throat. And my ears felt itchy. I decided to lay down and take a nap. I woke up at 6 feeling miserable. Pounding head, itchy sore throat, cough, stuffy ears. Bleh. I was supposed to meet A. and the gang at 6:30 for dinner and CASINO NIGHT (probably involving free alcohol). I called A. and croaked, "I'm not coming. I'm dying. Have fun without me." I stayed in and called room service and watched Sex and the City on TBS.
Wednesday morning I woke up feeling even worse. I took a shower (that seemed to help a bit) and packed up all my stuff. A. called to find out if I was ready for her to drive me to the airport and she sounded a little froggy. HA HA! She's got the same thing I do, just a day later! HA HA HA HA. I know it's not nice of me to be amused by another's misfortunes. So what? HA! I could tell she wasn't feeling very well because there were actually whole MINUTES of no conversation in the car to the airport. Amazing.
There was a bird inside the airport. It was pecking at the window, obviously trying to get out. I told one of the airport employees and he said "There's lots of birds in here. Try not to get pecked." Nice attitude.
I got home at 4 pm. There were about 10 messages on my machine that I didn't bother to listen to. I figured they could wait and if not, too bad. The dog was VERY excited to see me. Timmy was less excited to see me - he doesn't want to catch whatever it is I have contracted.
So that's it. Until the next recycling conference in two weeks. That one will also be with A. and I think her mother. Oh joy!
Yet Another Recycling Conference, Part 2
8. 15 am
"Have you ever talked to so-and-so about stuff?"
"I’m not sure, A. is really who you should talk to abou-"
"You know, you should really talk to so-and-so - Have you?"
"Well, I don’t know. You should ask A, becau-"
"Someone should talk to them about this."
Go away and DIE!
Some people are too stupid to be allowed. The conference started at 7:30, but A. hasn't shown up yet. This guy is totally not listening to me. Finally I get him to go away by shoving A.'s business card at him and telling him she'll call him.
8:45 A. finally appears. Then disappears in search of coffee.
9:15 A. reappears. She begins telling me a convoluted story involving a sailboat, her ex-fiancee, a trip to Greece, her childhood dog, a University of Maryland fraternity house, and her basement remodel. The point of the story? She forgot to bring tape.
Noon I’ve been trying to talk to A. about this computer training I wrote, but it’s been 3 hours now and I haven’t been able to get a word in. She has an unbelievable capacity for speech. I think the problem is that she’ll start saying something, that will remind her of something else, so she’ll have to tell that entire story, that will remind her of something else, so she’ll have to tell THAT entire story, and before you know it, it’s three hours later and you have a screaming headache and just want to escape... but there is NO ESCAPE!!!! A.'s mom and boyfriend are hanging around again. A. keeps trying to get them to go do something fun but they would rather sit around and look at us.
3:30 Another reception with FREE ALCOHOL. I pound 3 beers while A. talks and talks and talks to someone who probably just wanted to know what time it was. Will this day never end?
5:30 The four of us have an excellent dinner at the hotel golf club. I read that the hotel we're staying at is haunted, and that THIS restaurant is one of the haunted spots. Don't see anything supernatural during dinner. A.'s mom is getting on everyone's nerves by looking at her watch every 5 minutes and asking "Is it time for Raymond yet?" I KNOW this is the last episode of Everybody Loves Raymond but seriously! You've got plenty of time lady. Just stop it!!!!
9:00 Several of the exhibitors are hosting hospitality suites with - you guessed it - free alcohol! I visit three of them and have a glass of wine at each. Then I decide to go to my room before I tell A. what I REALLY think of her.
"Have you ever talked to so-and-so about stuff?"
"I’m not sure, A. is really who you should talk to abou-"
"You know, you should really talk to so-and-so - Have you?"
"Well, I don’t know. You should ask A, becau-"
"Someone should talk to them about this."
Go away and DIE!
Some people are too stupid to be allowed. The conference started at 7:30, but A. hasn't shown up yet. This guy is totally not listening to me. Finally I get him to go away by shoving A.'s business card at him and telling him she'll call him.
8:45 A. finally appears. Then disappears in search of coffee.
9:15 A. reappears. She begins telling me a convoluted story involving a sailboat, her ex-fiancee, a trip to Greece, her childhood dog, a University of Maryland fraternity house, and her basement remodel. The point of the story? She forgot to bring tape.
Noon I’ve been trying to talk to A. about this computer training I wrote, but it’s been 3 hours now and I haven’t been able to get a word in. She has an unbelievable capacity for speech. I think the problem is that she’ll start saying something, that will remind her of something else, so she’ll have to tell that entire story, that will remind her of something else, so she’ll have to tell THAT entire story, and before you know it, it’s three hours later and you have a screaming headache and just want to escape... but there is NO ESCAPE!!!! A.'s mom and boyfriend are hanging around again. A. keeps trying to get them to go do something fun but they would rather sit around and look at us.
3:30 Another reception with FREE ALCOHOL. I pound 3 beers while A. talks and talks and talks to someone who probably just wanted to know what time it was. Will this day never end?
5:30 The four of us have an excellent dinner at the hotel golf club. I read that the hotel we're staying at is haunted, and that THIS restaurant is one of the haunted spots. Don't see anything supernatural during dinner. A.'s mom is getting on everyone's nerves by looking at her watch every 5 minutes and asking "Is it time for Raymond yet?" I KNOW this is the last episode of Everybody Loves Raymond but seriously! You've got plenty of time lady. Just stop it!!!!
9:00 Several of the exhibitors are hosting hospitality suites with - you guessed it - free alcohol! I visit three of them and have a glass of wine at each. Then I decide to go to my room before I tell A. what I REALLY think of her.
Yet Another Recycling Conference, Part 1
Ya'll must think that all I do is go to recycling conferences. Not true. I just happen to have several in a row this summer, that's all. This whole trip was doomed before it even began anyway. A. asked me probably 3 months ago if I wanted to attend this conference with her. It’s a big show, she said, it’s in a very nice resort hotel, she claimed. Sure, sign me up! So she signed me up. For the conference anyway. Then I found out a few weeks ago that she hadn't reserved me a room and there were no more available. Luckily, she badgered the poor people at the hotel into giving me "the last room - a cancellation." Okay, crisis averted.
Next drama – getting to the hotel from the airport. A. said I should just take the hotel shuttle. I called the hotel on Friday morning to schedule their shuttle service. They told me it was $120 EACH WAY. What the FUCK?! Turns out this hotel is over an hour away from the airport. So I called A. to let her know the outrageous price, and to find out if she would be able to pick me up instead. She didn’t call back until 11:30 on Saturday night, and my flight left at 10 on Sunday morning so I was already in bed. She said she wasn't sure what I should do. So I went ahead and took the shuttle. What could I do? I know it's not MY money, but still! I got to the airport and walked up to the driver.
"Hi!" I said.
He glances at me and then looks away.
I continue to stand there in front of him, probably with an annoyed/confused look on my face. He looks back at me. "Jennifer?"
"yes."
"Oh. Do you have any luggage?"
Asshole. Just because I apparently look like a college student (according to the woman at the airline ticket counter) doesn’t mean I can’t go to this fancy shmancy hotel. He is so not getting a tip. Not only am I paying them an obscene (really really offensive) amount of money for this trip, but he completely dismissed me at first. So F him.
I sat in the backseat of the van to signify to the driver that "I am NOT a talker." He tried to start a conversation anyway but a few of my monosyllabic answers finally got the message across. We drove up 87N past the exits for Burnt Hills, Round Lake, Saratoga Springs, and over the Hudson River (reminded myself to look up paintings from the Hudson River School when I get home.) Upstate NY reminds me of western TN. Lots of trees and mountains. This drive will take one hour and five minutes. Crap. How much would it have cost to rent a car? Must remember to look that up to justify outrageous ride cost. Hope a rental car would have been more. Will have to lie and say it did. Stupid. A. is such a shit. $120!!!!! Even $60 I could have justified. Nearly there. Thank God. 9 more miles. Hallelujah. There are some amazing houses down on Lake George that look like castles. And some that look like crap.
Then I got to the hotel. I found out that A. hadn’t done anything on Sunday morning except drive around and do some sightseeing. She completely could have driven to the airport to get me but she is an idiot. And her mother and boyfriend are with her. That was another thing she told me a few weeks ago. Oh yeah, my mother and boyfriend are also coming. Great. Like A. by herself isn't annoying enough, now I’ve got to deal with two other yahoos that have no business whatsoever being here. Great. Just great.
I got checked in and then headed over to the conference center to help set up our booth. A. conveniently has to "return some phone calls" so her boyfriend, M., and I end up putting the booth together ourselves. M. was alright. Not at all what I was expecting. A. is such a talker, I figured her boyfriend would have to be, too. But he was actually pretty quiet.
There was a reception that night in the conference center with FREE ALCOHOL. All of the other recycling conferences I've been to have had receptions with alcohol, but they were always cash bars. But this one was FREEEEEEE! A.'s mother and boyfriend hung around the booth with us - they must have been bored out of their minds. I was bored and I was the one talking to people. I can't imagine spending my free time at one of these shows. I think they were just there for the beer.
Next drama – getting to the hotel from the airport. A. said I should just take the hotel shuttle. I called the hotel on Friday morning to schedule their shuttle service. They told me it was $120 EACH WAY. What the FUCK?! Turns out this hotel is over an hour away from the airport. So I called A. to let her know the outrageous price, and to find out if she would be able to pick me up instead. She didn’t call back until 11:30 on Saturday night, and my flight left at 10 on Sunday morning so I was already in bed. She said she wasn't sure what I should do. So I went ahead and took the shuttle. What could I do? I know it's not MY money, but still! I got to the airport and walked up to the driver.
"Hi!" I said.
He glances at me and then looks away.
I continue to stand there in front of him, probably with an annoyed/confused look on my face. He looks back at me. "Jennifer?"
"yes."
"Oh. Do you have any luggage?"
Asshole. Just because I apparently look like a college student (according to the woman at the airline ticket counter) doesn’t mean I can’t go to this fancy shmancy hotel. He is so not getting a tip. Not only am I paying them an obscene (really really offensive) amount of money for this trip, but he completely dismissed me at first. So F him.
I sat in the backseat of the van to signify to the driver that "I am NOT a talker." He tried to start a conversation anyway but a few of my monosyllabic answers finally got the message across. We drove up 87N past the exits for Burnt Hills, Round Lake, Saratoga Springs, and over the Hudson River (reminded myself to look up paintings from the Hudson River School when I get home.) Upstate NY reminds me of western TN. Lots of trees and mountains. This drive will take one hour and five minutes. Crap. How much would it have cost to rent a car? Must remember to look that up to justify outrageous ride cost. Hope a rental car would have been more. Will have to lie and say it did. Stupid. A. is such a shit. $120!!!!! Even $60 I could have justified. Nearly there. Thank God. 9 more miles. Hallelujah. There are some amazing houses down on Lake George that look like castles. And some that look like crap.
Then I got to the hotel. I found out that A. hadn’t done anything on Sunday morning except drive around and do some sightseeing. She completely could have driven to the airport to get me but she is an idiot. And her mother and boyfriend are with her. That was another thing she told me a few weeks ago. Oh yeah, my mother and boyfriend are also coming. Great. Like A. by herself isn't annoying enough, now I’ve got to deal with two other yahoos that have no business whatsoever being here. Great. Just great.
I got checked in and then headed over to the conference center to help set up our booth. A. conveniently has to "return some phone calls" so her boyfriend, M., and I end up putting the booth together ourselves. M. was alright. Not at all what I was expecting. A. is such a talker, I figured her boyfriend would have to be, too. But he was actually pretty quiet.
There was a reception that night in the conference center with FREE ALCOHOL. All of the other recycling conferences I've been to have had receptions with alcohol, but they were always cash bars. But this one was FREEEEEEE! A.'s mother and boyfriend hung around the booth with us - they must have been bored out of their minds. I was bored and I was the one talking to people. I can't imagine spending my free time at one of these shows. I think they were just there for the beer.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Puppy Class
Last night we had our first "real" night of obedience class. The class is taught by a guy that trains police dogs. I guess there about 15 dogs in the class, mostly small dogs but a few bigger ones. There was one german shepherd with serious aggression issues. They had to put a restraint on him because every time he saw another dog he would try to attack. He ended up getting a ribbon for "improvement" but I think the trainer just didn't want his owner to feel like a big loser. There was also a tiny little Yorkshire terrier that would yelp whenever his owner put him down. And a Bichon Frise that was more interested in our hot dogs than whatever treat her owner had brought for her.
Here's what we went over and how Pickles fared:
Watch Me - V. Good, especially with me holding a bit of hot dog
Sit - Excellent, she already knew this
Down - Excellent, she knew this too
Come - Surprisingly well
Heel - V. Good, again, the hot dog helped
Stay - Good, by this time she was getting tired and it was hard to hold her attention
Overall, I'd say she was pretty darn good. She was so tired after all that fun that she went right to sleep as soon as we got home and today she is still sleepy. This week we're supposed to practice these things, especially Watch Me. I think I will be concentrating on Come, Heel and Stay, since those are pretty new to her.
Happy Friday the 13th!
Here's what we went over and how Pickles fared:
Watch Me - V. Good, especially with me holding a bit of hot dog
Sit - Excellent, she already knew this
Down - Excellent, she knew this too
Come - Surprisingly well
Heel - V. Good, again, the hot dog helped
Stay - Good, by this time she was getting tired and it was hard to hold her attention
Overall, I'd say she was pretty darn good. She was so tired after all that fun that she went right to sleep as soon as we got home and today she is still sleepy. This week we're supposed to practice these things, especially Watch Me. I think I will be concentrating on Come, Heel and Stay, since those are pretty new to her.
Happy Friday the 13th!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Dear Darth
Instead of working yesterday afternoon, I spent a while on the Darth Side blog. I want to encourage everyone once again to check this out. It completely cracked my shit up. Be sure to read the comments for each post - where Darth actually answers the readers' questions! I haven't been all that excited about the new Star Wars movie because the last two were such let downs. But I think now I'm intrigued. I'm seeing the Universe from a different perspective. And it is EEEEVIL!!!!!! Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!! Darth's website has reminded me how much I used to love the story. Thank you Darth.
Darth, I love you. I love your work. I love you and I love your work.
PS. Say Hi to Scott Speedman for me!
Jen
Darth, I love you. I love your work. I love you and I love your work.
PS. Say Hi to Scott Speedman for me!
Jen
My bestest friend/cowoker left her dog Rilie's favorite toy at her mom's house this weekend. On Monday, her mom sent her this photo with the message "We have Dirty Rilie Kitty. Bring $1.75 (S&H) in a brown paper bag. Will contact with drop site details. Don't wait! He's getting awful mad." Look at the duct tape she put on his mouth! Too funny!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Looky here! I took Pickles out for a short walk and look what I discovered! I KNEW she had those kittens under the shed! I saw at least two, maybe three. It's hard to tell because they are all mostly grey. Now I'm going to have to start checking my car engine every time I want to leave to make sure there are no kittens hiding in there. If Mama Kitty can keep them under control until next Thursday, I think that's when I'll try to catch them. Anybody want a kitten?
Later that same day...
Well, I cleaned off my desk. Hidden under all that stuff I found: my stapler, a disposable camera, my cell phone charger, 12 pens and a box of Junior Mints. Who knew?
I added two new links today. The first is The Darth Side. A very very very amusing blog in the voice of Darth Vader, currently in the time frame of the beginning of Return of the Jedi. Loves it. The second link is to DealCatcher.com, where you can find all kinds of great sales and discounts for all your favorite online stores. I regularly check their amazon.com and Omaha Steaks coupons.
I'm also updating my What I'm Reading section. I finished Wolf Wing by Tanith Lee. All I can say is "Feh." This is the fourth book in a series called The Claidi Journals. The first book, Wolf Tower, was excellent. I read a lot of fantasy and what blew me away about the first book was how original it was. Probably the most interesting world I've read about in a long time. But as I've gone through the subsequent books, I've enjoyed each one less than the previous one. The plot in the first novel was very well written and had a great conclusion. She would have done well to stop writing there. But she kept writing more books. And it seems as if she is just making up crap to keep the novels going so she can keep getting paid. The plots are getting more ridiculous and harder to believe. So my advice is, definitely read Wolf Tower, but don't bother with the others. I'm still working my way through the Harlequin Romance novels I bought on eBay. I've probably gotten through about 10 (I took 2 with me last week to Michigan and read them on the plane.) I haven't read the latest Princess Diaries book because I'm waiting for it to be published in paperback. I've finished the Complete Idiot's Guide to Positive Dog Training, but I'm going to keep referring to it while we are attending obedience classes for the next two months. And I'm about 75% finished with Condensed Knowledge. I like to read a few pages of that before I go to bed, so that I can hopefully absorb all the trivia in my sleep. New addition to reading list - Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes.
I added two new links today. The first is The Darth Side. A very very very amusing blog in the voice of Darth Vader, currently in the time frame of the beginning of Return of the Jedi. Loves it. The second link is to DealCatcher.com, where you can find all kinds of great sales and discounts for all your favorite online stores. I regularly check their amazon.com and Omaha Steaks coupons.
I'm also updating my What I'm Reading section. I finished Wolf Wing by Tanith Lee. All I can say is "Feh." This is the fourth book in a series called The Claidi Journals. The first book, Wolf Tower, was excellent. I read a lot of fantasy and what blew me away about the first book was how original it was. Probably the most interesting world I've read about in a long time. But as I've gone through the subsequent books, I've enjoyed each one less than the previous one. The plot in the first novel was very well written and had a great conclusion. She would have done well to stop writing there. But she kept writing more books. And it seems as if she is just making up crap to keep the novels going so she can keep getting paid. The plots are getting more ridiculous and harder to believe. So my advice is, definitely read Wolf Tower, but don't bother with the others. I'm still working my way through the Harlequin Romance novels I bought on eBay. I've probably gotten through about 10 (I took 2 with me last week to Michigan and read them on the plane.) I haven't read the latest Princess Diaries book because I'm waiting for it to be published in paperback. I've finished the Complete Idiot's Guide to Positive Dog Training, but I'm going to keep referring to it while we are attending obedience classes for the next two months. And I'm about 75% finished with Condensed Knowledge. I like to read a few pages of that before I go to bed, so that I can hopefully absorb all the trivia in my sleep. New addition to reading list - Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes.
Anatomy of My Desk
My Desk is a Mess
Here is a partial list of things that are cluttering up my desk.
On top of the computer there is a stuffed pug wearing a University of Alabama hat. A pile of business cards is strewn across the computer monitor stand. On the far left of the desk – junk mail to be shredded, on top of that – my daily planner, on top of that – the newest Franklin Covey catalog and a receipt from Hamilton Book. The Middle of the Desk contains – large desk calendar, cordless phone, half-drunk cup of coffee, book Leonardo da Vinci: Painter, Inventor, Visionary, Mathematician, Philosopher, Engineer, notepad “Call Rocco re: grocery bags”, Fine and Sandy beach pedicure, pile of blank cd’s, 2 months of receipts to be filed, and my Ashes of Problem Clients jar. Far right of desk – ergonomic mouse pad with mouse, dog leash, large pile of random papers which include map of Memphis, coupons from Sunday paper, blank dvd labels, recycling conference registration info, and Frommer’s Guide to Washington DC 2001.
How do I get any work done in this clutter?
Here is a partial list of things that are cluttering up my desk.
On top of the computer there is a stuffed pug wearing a University of Alabama hat. A pile of business cards is strewn across the computer monitor stand. On the far left of the desk – junk mail to be shredded, on top of that – my daily planner, on top of that – the newest Franklin Covey catalog and a receipt from Hamilton Book. The Middle of the Desk contains – large desk calendar, cordless phone, half-drunk cup of coffee, book Leonardo da Vinci: Painter, Inventor, Visionary, Mathematician, Philosopher, Engineer, notepad “Call Rocco re: grocery bags”, Fine and Sandy beach pedicure, pile of blank cd’s, 2 months of receipts to be filed, and my Ashes of Problem Clients jar. Far right of desk – ergonomic mouse pad with mouse, dog leash, large pile of random papers which include map of Memphis, coupons from Sunday paper, blank dvd labels, recycling conference registration info, and Frommer’s Guide to Washington DC 2001.
How do I get any work done in this clutter?
Monday, May 09, 2005
Saturday, May 07, 2005
iPod, uPod
One of my friends has an iPod and now I want one. I even went on iTunes to see what music was available there. I got really excited when I found "Who's Got the Crack" by the Moldy Peaches. But they don't have anything by the band Seether. What's up with that?
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Shhhhh...
I'm at a Michigan Recycling Conference...hiding in the corner...avoiding a discussion on bottle recycling. There is a very strange Canadian with bushy eyebrows who wants me to be his new best friend. Another guy makes objects d'art out of old bicycles. His stuff is kind of neat. I'm going to take a picture of the pink flamingo lamp he made. I want it. I think I'll be spending a lot of time hiding in this corner over the next two days...unless I want to listen to the composting speeches and solid waste roundtables. Thank god I brought some magazines.
Monday, May 02, 2005
In Dreams I Walk With You...
I had a dream last night that I was growing plants that turned into dinosaurs/monsters and one of them got out of its pot and was trying to bite my feet as I hopped around looking for something to smash it with.
When I finally got back to sleep I had a dream that a little girl in a pink jacket kept walking into my house. So I'd tell her to leave and walk her to the door. Then she'd come right back in. I tried locking the door but she kept finding other doors that I hadn't locked yet.
What the hell?
When I finally got back to sleep I had a dream that a little girl in a pink jacket kept walking into my house. So I'd tell her to leave and walk her to the door. Then she'd come right back in. I tried locking the door but she kept finding other doors that I hadn't locked yet.
What the hell?
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