A Culinary Tour of Memphis

Every time I got back home, there are a few places that I just HAVE to eat at. And I drag Timmy along with me. This trip was no exception.


First, we had lunch at Backyard Burger - the BEST hamburgers EVER. I had a burger with cheddar cheese, ketchup, mustard and a slice of pineapple. Really. Timmy got the burger with everything on it. We both had the seasoned fries and sweet sweet sweet tea. Even though we were pretty full, we both had dessert, too. I got their blackberry cobbler (different cobblers made fresh every day!) and Tim got a brownie a la mode. We were both so stuffed after eating this that we didn't want any dinner.

Next we ate at McAllister's Deli for lunch. I got the muffaletta with potato soup and sweet tea. (YUMMY) Tim ordered the McAllister's club with NO honey mustard but WITH everything else. When he got it, it had NO tomatoes but DID have honey mustard. That is the 2nd time that they've messed his order up at that McAllister's. And since we only go there once a year, that's not a very good track record. He was pretty upset, but didn't want to send the sandwich back because it took them so long to prepare it. It might just be the people at the Bartlett location. Next year, we'll have to try another one.


On to Corky's - the BEST barbecue in my humble opinion. We went for lunch and had the pulled pork sandwiches (with the cole slaw on the side - don't forget to specify that or they will put in on your sandwich) fries, baked beans and half an onion loaf. It was sooooooo good.


Finally we went to Miss Sipp's for All You Can Eat Catfish! I got the thin fried fillets and Timmy got the All You Can Eat fillets. We both had sweet tea, of course. Look at my plate. Everything on it is fried - even the corn on the cob. And see how full it is? This is the small order, AFTER I'd eaten 3 catfish fillets. PS, Miss Sipp's also has awesome jalepeno hushpuppies.

That's all the food we were able to squeeze in this trip.

Theatre Review: A Christmas Carol

This year's production of A Christmas Carol by Theatre Memphis was simply the best I've ever seen! The guy playing Scrooge was fantastic. He did a wonderful job and remembered all his lines. I got so caught up in the play that I forgot he was my Uncle Ron.

I Got an iPod for Christmas!

And a waffle maker, and a soup pot, and new pajamas, and a purse, and lots of other awesome things. And a cold. :(

I also got a pug blanket and pillow that Pickles is freaked out by. She thinks they are giant pugs. I've had to turn them around so they aren't looking at her. Silly puppy.

While I was out of the office (I still am) I got about 100 emails that are pretty much ridiculous and I just deleted them all. HA HA HA.

Tomorrow we're driving down to NC for New Year's. Timmy is out right now buying new tires for the Honda. Hooray for new tires!

Hey! Bestest Friend/Co-Worker!

Here's that book I was telling you about. Sit, Stay, Slay by Linda O. Johnston. (Scroll down to see the book.) As you can see from her website, she has those Cavalier King Charles spaniels, too! The book is about a pet-sitter who solves mysteries with her dog. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas from Shmoopy

Ever since we put the tree up, Shmoopy has been hanging out underneath it. It's like she thinks we put it there just for her. Silly kitty.

Roe Dyelin

Well, I'm home from another exciting business trip. This time I went up to New England for a few days. I flew into Providence, RI on Monday, drove around CT on Tuesday, and flew back today.

Absolutely nothing interesting happened. The most interesting thing that happened was that I drove through a town called Moosup. There was nothing to see in Moosup.

There were Yankees everywhere.

The end.

Buy This Coffee

Cinnamon Sugar Cookie from Ugly Mug Coffee

Whine and Cheese

The company had our holiday party on Wednesday night at a local museum. I almost didn't go. There are only a hand-full of people in the office that I even like and none of them really that much. But so many people asked me if I was going that I figured I better make an appearance. It was just as dull as I had imagined it would be. Here were some of the fascinating conversations that went on:
1. Early morning traffic incident involving a great dane, a woman in pajamas, the start of the morning shift at the plant, and an embankment. (This was the most interesting story, but not after the 4th time I heard it.)
2. The successes and failures of the women in the office in their attempts to have children. (Reactions to my announcement that I didn't want kids ranged from "Don't you feel like you'll have a void in your life?" to "Good for you!")
3. The buffet offerings. Various cheeses and fancy hors d'ouvres (can't spell.) This led to another discussion about-
4. The makeup and uses of hummus (spelling?).
5. The county population boom and it's traffic ramifications. (40 minute discussion.)
6. The fact that even though I've worked for the company for over 5 years, no one in the office has any idea who I am because I've been working from home for the last 2 years, then when I came back in the office no one bothered introducing me to anyone because they assumed I already knew everyone, when in fact everyone was new to me. Even after this discussion, I'm pretty sure they still don't know who I am. Whatever, they'll be gone in 3 months anyway.

I hope I didn't look as bored as I felt. At least it's over until next year, right?

True Story

The other day I was at the office talking to Fred. Paris (I affectionately call her Paris because she is tall and blonde and skinny and kind of a moron) walked in and said, "There's no one here! Oh wait, Fred's here! Hey Fred!" And I was standing there TALKING TO FRED!!!!! What a cow.

Last Two Weeks: The Highlights

Dinner with Co-Workers


Here is the Sweetest Co-Worker Ever eating her third salad. That girl luuuuurves lettuce!


This is Bestest Friend/Co-Worker attempting to stick a crab claw up her nose.

Redskins vs. LT


Me and Timmy at another Redskins game. I won two tickets and a parking pass by guessing how many paper clips were in the plastic snowman's belly. My guess: 623. Correct answer: 621. I annoyed everyone else in the suite (all Redskins fans) by cheering every time LT got a touchdown. "He's on my fantasy team! Woohooo!"


In an odd twist of fate, Sweetest Co-Worker Ever also won tickets in another office raffle. (For someone that little - that girl sure can eat!)

Cruelty to Animals


I thought it might be funny to put pictures of the pets in our Christmas cards this year. Lexi and Krusty don't look very happy about it though.

Stupid Questions with Jen

What time did you get up this morning? 8:30 ish
What was the last film you saw in the cinema? Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
What are your favorite TV Shows? Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, Prison Break, Spongebob
What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee
What is your middle name? Nunya
What foods do you dislike? Green beans and anything involving mayonnaise
What is your favorite chip flavor? Sour cream and onion
What is your favorite CD at the moment? The Strokes - Is This It
What kind of car do you drive? Honda
Favorite sandwich? Grilled cheese
What is your favorite clothing? I like my Grumpy sweatshirt, I bought it on sale at the Disney store
Are you a morning person or a night person? Definitely not a morning person and not really a night person either. How about late afternoon to early evening person?
What is your shoe size? 5 1/2
What did you want to be when you were little? An artist or an astronaut or a librarian
What is your favorite candy? Kit Kat

Movie Review: Goblet of Fire

Very very good, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a huge Harry Potter fan.

The Good:
There was a lot more Fred and George in this one. Good stuff!
I thought they did a great job condensing the huge amount of material from the book into the film version.
They kept the scene where Malfoy is turned into a ferret. Hooray!
Lucius Malfoy is back. Double hooray! He's awesome as a meanie.
Very nice work with the Triwizard tasks. The dragon chase was especially exciting.
The kids start dating! The various scenes involving all the crushes and hurt feelings and such were nicely done. Subtle, amusing, and not shoved down the audience's throats.

The Bad:
No Dursleys. Oh well.
What is up with Ron's language? He has such a potty mouth. I don't remember him swearing this much in the books. Every other line of dialogue from him is "Bloody hell!" this and "Piss off!" that. Shameful.
The beginning of the movie felt a little choppy. There was too much to do in order to get the story moving, and the scenes just didn't feel like they flowed. But once they got to Hogwarts it got better.
I felt like they glossed over the explanation of what happened when Harry's and Voldemort's wands connected. I think they could have managed to fit one more minute of exposition into the film.
Only one scene with Sirius Black. Poop.

The Ugly:
Lord Voldemort appears!!!! Ahhhhh! And he's Ralph Fiennes! With no nose! Ahhhhh!

November Pug Meetup

Yesterday we all went to Martinsburg for a pug party. The puppies had a great time! There were 5 1/2 pugs and 6 humans in attendance.

This picture shows Sairhe chasing Beaker, who is chasing Pickles, who is chasing Nougat. For some reason, Pickles was very popular. Both Beaker and Nougat tried to hump her all day.


This is Pugsley. I think he is a very good-looking pug.


Timmy thinking to himself, "What the hell am I doing here?"


Pickles!

I tried taking pictures of Lexi, but she moves so fast they all came out blurry. She absolutely LOVED chasing Nougat. In fact, she harassed him all afternoon and would bark at him if he stopped running.


Two very tired puppies.

Pickles is a Fatty

Pickles had her annual vet visit yesterday and she now weighs nearly 20 pounds! While "technically" that is not obese for a pug, she has reached the limit of her ideal weight range and she's not even two years old yet. And everyone knows, once pugs reach 2 years old, their activity level goes WAAAAAAY down. So, we're monitoring her diet. She's gotten in the habit of finishing whatever Lexi doesn't eat. So we're putting a stop to that. If both of them haven't finished their food in 30 minutes we're taking it away. And NO MORE TREATS FOR ANYONE! Except in special circumstances, like the other night when I cleaned Pickles' ears I had to give her peanut butter and a pig strip because it was such a harrowing experience.

We're also going to try teaching the damn dogs some manners. While they are pretty well-behaved at home, they are just awful whenever we leave the house. Pulling on the leash, jumping on people, not listening, general bad behavior. It's embarrassing to take them out in public. I'm not sure how I'm going to get them used to not jumping on people when we don't have any friends who could come over to practice. I guess Timmy and I could pretend to be new people. Not sure how this is going to work. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE.

Pug party today. We'll see how they do.

"Designer" Mutts?

Did everyone see the segment on the Today Show last week about Puggles? Apparently they are the latest in doggie fashion and everyone wants one. People are paying $600 and more for them. We got Lexi for $50! HA!!!

No Topic

A few weeks ago I had to listen to the two temps who work next to me (both named Katie) discuss how many ways there are to spell Katie. This conversation went on for over 40 minutes. Who knew there were sooooo many ways to spell Katie? Everyone I know spells it the same way.

I spend all these hours at work and there is no one there I can have a meaningful conversation with. I'm either yelling at someone to get on the phone and find out where my damn trucks are, or I'm making chit chat about the new coffee flavor in the breakroom (Gingerbread - yecccht!) Work is so lame.

I'm just rambling.

My Internet Connection Is...

Crap.

It's making me cranky.

Dear Readers,

I’ve neglected you. I realize that, and I’m sorry. Let me bring you up to speed (as they say).

1. Halloween was both a huge success and a disastrous failure. The puppies looked great in their costumes. They had big fun rolling around and chasing each other. On the other hand, we had a total of 5 trick-or-treaters. Three of them were from next door. Timmy bought 4 pounds of candy. Guess who ended up having to eat it all? And he didn’t get Kit Kats! (He said they were out.)

2. Timmy fixed my muffler. Yay!!!!! Now it doesn’t rattle any more. He also fixed my watch! Double Yay!!!! Ever since daylight savings time I’ve been an hour off. Watches are tricky.

3. My fantasy football team is kicking ass! I was discussing it with a co-worker, and he made the comment, “And that’s why girls shouldn’t be allowed to have fantasy football teams.” Only because I told him I picked Roethlisberger because he has a funny name, and that I had Brett Favre because I once dreamt that he was my boyfriend. So? I also cheer for Peyton Manning because he has the best commercials. Have you seen the one where’s he’s in the grocery store and he asks the stockboy to sign a loaf of bread for his little brother? For the record, I am not a Redskins fan. I could take them or leave them. But Timmy, having lived in Virginia his whole life, is a HUGE Redskins fan.

4. Someone with a Buffy bumper sticker works in my building. I can’t figure out who it is. I’m almost to the point where I’m going to go from desk to desk and quote obscure Buffy episode dialogue to see if anyone recognizes it.

5. Went to Canada last week with the Boss Who is Kind of a Goober. We had a meeting with the Canadian HQ of an unnamed largest company in the world. We are NOT going to discuss the fact that at 2:20 I realized that our 2:30 appointment was actually at 2:00. It was all good. I totally lied and said we were stuck in traffic. Their office was a dump just like their US headquarters office looked on that CNBC special. Canada was weird. But not weird in any specific way. Just a general feeling of oddness. They use the METRIC system. And all the signs were in English AND French. Weirdos.

6. I made the mistake of playing Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom for “just a few minutes” on Friday. And I didn’t do anything else the entire weekend. But I did find 31 golden spatulas, 15 of Patrick’s lost socks, and over 12,000 shiny objects. So the weekend was not a total waste.

Happy Halloween

We had a costume fitting last week so I could make sure everything was going to fit alright.


Lexi is a Little Devil and Pickles is a Little Stinker (skunk).


Then we put last year's Pumpkin costume on Lexi. She looks more like a carrot.


Here's Pickles in a pretty pretty princess costume.

Happy Halloween everybody!!!

Hello Kitty

Little Sister's cats are on the internet. Check this -

Anya

Leroy

Miles

Binky

Things That Should Not Be Allowed

1. Snow in October. What the krunk?

2. Patrick Dempsey still hasn't called me.

3. We didn't win the lottery AGAIN.

4. Stupid people.

PS. I'm going to Canada next week. With my new boss who is kind of a goober. Oh joy.

Cruise Log: Day Seven

Home Again, Home Again, Ah Crap

Saturday morning we had breakfast with an old couple. They were funny. The woman said that one time she’d left her nightgown on the bed when she went to dinner. When she got back, the cabin steward had made a towel animal out of it! (She didn’t say which animal.) As we were wandering around the ship we noticed a water spout out in the sea to the right of the ship. Neato.

I’d made an appointment for a manicure and pedicure at 9:30. Here’s another cruise tip: everything costs more at the beginning of the cruise. By the end of the cruise, they really start discounting things in the souvenir shops and the spa. So wait until the last day or two to buy stuff on the ship. Anyway, Tanya was my “nail technician.” She wasn’t a talker, which was awesome. I hate trying to think of things to say to someone while they are scraping my feet. It’s just awkward. The girl working next to Tanya WAS a talker. She said that the reason she was working on a cruise ship was so she could save up money for a nose job. Her nose was perfectly fine! What the hell is wrong with people?


We went up to the pool area and the sun was actually out, so we ran back to the room to put our bathing suits on. We sat out in the sun for about 20 minutes when suddenly a dark rain cloud appeared out of nowhere. Poop. We went back inside and started packing up all our crap. Then we had lunch and some drinks (The Ultimate Suntan: rum, creme de banana, blackberry brandy, orange juice and sweet & sour mix.) I fell asleep (again) in a deck chair. I may have snored again but I did NOT drool this time.


Back to the room to dress for dinner. I had Seafood Newberg and Timmy had the Beef Wellington. The waiters sang the Carnival song, which I don’t know, then Hector jumped on a table and started dancing. Other waiters joined him on tables around the room. We said bye to Wilfer and Jorge and went back to the room to finish packing. No towel animal tonight. I’m kind of bummed that I didn’t get a stingray. And Timmy really wanted a monkey. Oh well. We put our suitcases out in the hall to be picked up by the stewards and went to bed.

Sunday morning Timmy and I woke up in a bad mood. We’d been up late with the packing and filling out customs forms, plus we both had slightly sore throats. I think Dana the cruise director gave us his cold. Bastard. We were hanging out in our cabin after breakfast (because we still had about 30 minutes until we had to be in our designated departure waiting area) when Archie knocked on the door and told us we had to leave. How rude! We went to the cigar bar to wait until we could get off the ship. Whose bright idea was it to have us wait in the cigar bar? Of course, people are going to smoke in there. It’s a cigar bar. Sheesh. We finally lined up to exit the ship. An EXTREMELY impatient woman who was at least 4 people behind us in the line kept running up and looking around Timmy. After the 6th time she had bumped him, he started swearing at her just barely under his breath. I just full-on turned around and gave her a dirty look, then said loudly to myself “No one is getting out of here any faster than anyone else, you know.”

Even though it was a hassle, debarking the ship went pretty smoothly. We filed off the boat and into the terminal where our luggage was waiting. Finding all our luggage took a while. We carried it through customs and we were out! And immediately 700 cab drivers started hassling us. Luckily there was a Carnival representative standing right at the door so I was able to ask her where our bus was. And check this – the bus driver didn’t even ask for our ticket or proof of payment. He just put our luggage in the bus and told us to get on. The rest of the trip home was pretty tame. There were some annoyances with the baggage scanning people and I got really cranky while searching for the United check-in counter, but other than that it was fine. I’ve already told ya’ll about the bastard airport bus driver at Dulles. And that’s the end of our cruise story.

The puppies were very excited to see us. Tim’s mother SWEARS they didn’t “go” in the house once.

Cruise Log: Day Six

A Lazy Day at Sea
Friday morning I had the eggs benedict for breakfast. We were seated at a table with 4 people from Sheffield. I impressed the hell out of them when I told them I’d actually been there, and that I knew they’d filmed The Full Monty there (probably the more impressive of the two.) There was an annoying (American) woman at breakfast with us who kept saying stupid things like “How much are you paying for petrol?” and “What do you think of Prince Harry? I think he’s sooooo cute,” and “You get like 4 months of vacation, don’t you? DON’T YOU????” Ack.

Timmy and I immediately went to the pool after breakfast. It’s okay to have drinks at 10:30 am when you’re on vacation, right? The drink of the day was the "Goombay Smash - the name says it all!!! White and dark rums, apricot brandy, pina colada mix and pineapple juice will surely cast some spells." I thoroughly enjoyed lolling around in my chair, sunning and playing my electronic Yahtzee game. Timmy called me a weirdo cuz I had to yell “Yahtzee!” every time I rolled one. He had a poker game that he was playing.

We had lunch at the buffet (Greek food!) and then went back to the room for a shower. We bought a few things in the souvenir shop (a Christmas ornament and a fridge magnet in the shape of the Carnival Victory) then we went back up to the top deck and sat in chairs in the shade. I fell asleep and was apparently snoring. I was certainly drooling a bit. I’m so disgusting. We got more drinks, then ice cream, then pizza, then French fries, then sandwiches. Then we had to take a nap.


Friday night was the second formal night so we got all dressed up again. Timmy had the prime rib for dinner and I had the shrimp. The waiters formed an enormous conga line through the restaurant during dessert. After dinner we put on our bathing suits and got in the hot tub for a while.


Then we went back to the room to change again for the GRAND BUFFET MIDNIGHT VIEWING. The chefs had made all these sculptures out of food. They had a one-hour viewing and picture taking period, then all the fatties on the cruise could eat the art. We were so full after eating all day long that we just went to bed.


We had a little trouble figuring out our towel animal. Is it a seal?

Cruise Log: Day Five

St. Maarten: The Friendly Island

On Thursday morning we woke up in St. Maarten. We had breakfast on the ship then went shopping. Hector gave us a map of Philipsburg as we got off the ship (“Welcome to Las Vegas! Call me!”) The best way to get to downtown Phillipsburg is by water taxi. It costs $3 one way, or for $5 you can get an all-day pass. As soon as we got off the boat people started hounding us. “Come to our store! Visit this beach! Guided island tours!” I pushed through them but noticed that Timmy had fallen behind. He was actually talking to some woman who was handing out fliers. I turned around to get him just in time to hear her start on her time-share sales pitch. “Just come to this hotel and you’ll get a nice lunch and we’ll pay for your cab fare back and oh look you just won a free prize and all you have to do is listen to the presentation blah blah blah.” I said, no thanks we don’t have time. She just kept on and finally I said we’re not interested. Well she gave me a pouty look and then went to harass someone else who had just gotten off the boat. Timmy said he was just trying to be polite. Here’s a tip: you don’t have to be polite to them. The most polite thing you can do is just keep walking so you don’t waste their or your time. If you’re really that worried about it you can throw a “Thank you, no, I’m not interested” after you as you plow through them.


So downtown Philipsburg was very nice. It has two main streets – Front Street and Back Street. You can’t make this stuff up. We went by That Yoda Guy’s shop (the guy who designed Yoda for Star Wars owns an art gallery.) Timmy bought a real Cuban cigar from a liquor store/cigar shop/luggage store. We browsed in the Last Mango in Paradise – Jimmy Buffet themed store. Then we went to the one store I’d really wanted to check out – the Guavaberry Emporium. The sales lady was very helpful, giving us samples of liqueur and rum at 9:30 am! I bought a bottle of each, plus some sauces. And the best part was – the store arranged to drop it off at our ship for us! For free!!!


Timmy and I wandered back down through the downtown area and down to the beach. We followed the sidewalk along the shore past some restaurants (one of them was named The Black Pearl!) and other little shops. I thought about buying a monkey made from a coconut, but changed my mind when I noticed the sticker on the bottom that said, “Made in Mexico.” They were funny looking anyway. We realized that the sidewalk we were following appeared to make its way back to our ship so we just followed it til we got back to the port area. Then we were all hot and sweaty so we got guavaberry coladas and sat in the shade for a few minutes.

We went back to the ship and showered. The buffet’s theme for lunch was Japanese so we ate a bunch of sushi. Then we went to the ship’s lounge to meet our excursion group for the afternoon. Of course there was one woman who had signed up for the SNORKELING excursion who revealed just before we left that she COULDN’T SWIM. Why, people? Why?


We rode a bus to Pinel Island, which is an uninhabited island where we would be snorkeling. Our tour guide was named Sharon and she was pretty darn funny. We learned that the main product of St. Maarten used to be salt but now it is tourism. Half of the island is Dutch and the other half is French, so to make a call to St. Thomas it is a local call but to call your buddy on the other side of St. Maarten it is an international call. We drove past Orient Beach, which is the nude beach on the French side of the island. Sharon told us that we really didn’t want to see the kinds of people that like to be nude on the beach.

We rode a water taxi over to Pinel Island. Sharon told us that Pinel Island is where they filmed part of Speed 2: Cruise Control. As I’ve never seen the movie, I can’t comment. Tony, our snorkel instructor, gave us our flippers and such and into the water we went! The sea was rougher than normal so there weren’t many fishes around but Tony had some dog food with him that attracted some. Timmy and I saw a jellyfish! We swam away. I’ve seen what happens to Spongebob when he touches a jellyfish. Tony swam down to the bottom and pulled up a spider-like crab that was kind of neat looking.

When we had first gotten there they told us that we’d have to get out of the water by 3:30 in order to get back to the ship by 4:30. So Timmy was pretty pissed when they made him get out at 3:00. And even more pissed when we had to wait 20 minutes for the water taxi to pick us up. And that is exactly why I wouldn’t recommend booking shore excursions through the cruise line. They are expensive and you end up spending a lot of time waiting for other people so you get less time doing whatever it is you are meant to be doing – like snorkeling. And even though Pinel Island, for example, is an uninhabited island, it IS a public beach, anyone can take a water taxi there, AND they even have a restaurant there. There, rant over.


Timmy and I got two Carib Beers ($1.50 each, like Corona but much less harsh, very tasty) and rode the bus back to the port. Sharon pointed out St. Barts in the distance and the island where they filmed Jurassic Park 2 and the original King Kong. We went back to the ship and had drinks as we watched the ship leave the harbor. The drink of the day was "The Riviera Delight: vodka, rum, melon liquer, amaretto and pineapple juice."

As we were standing there, I overheard a woman near me say she was a travel agent whose job was evaluating different cruises. Now I will share her wisdom, which I shamelessly eavesdropped on:
She said the best Alaskan cruise is on Princess, the best Mediterranean cruise is on Costa, and the best Caribbean cruise is Carnival. She said a lot of her clients who’ve gone on Norwegian cruise lines wouldn’t recommend them. So there you have it. Don’t blame me if she turns out to be wrong though.

For dinner we had escargot as an appetizer. It wasn’t bad as long as you don’t think about it. About halfway through chewing one of the little buggers I started thinking about it and grossed myself out, so Timmy finished them. We also had lobster bisque with hardly any lobster in it. For the main course I had penne with shrimp and scallops and Timmy had some kind of fish. For dessert I had chocolate soufflé with rum sauce and Timmy had the Kahlua cheesecake. YUMMY.


During dessert the waiters were dancing to some techno song. Suddenly one of them jumped onto the serving table and started grinding. Then more of them did the same! It was kerrazy! After dinner I went to bed (bunny towel animal) but Timmy stayed up for a while to smoke one of his cigars and hit the casino. He lost $10 then went to bed, too.

Cruise Log: Day Four

Welcome to St. Thomas, USVI
Today's Drink Special - The Yellow Bird... "Let your fantasies take flight with this heavenly stir of Rum, Galliano, Creme De Banana and assorted juices."

When we woke up on Wednesday we were in St. Thomas. Our kayaking/hiking excursion had been cancelled because of all the heavy rain the last few days, so Timmy and I decided to just go to a beach and then go shopping. But first we went to breakfast in the dining room. Oh boy. There was this guy at the table we were seated at who was a complete idiot. He was one of those, “Oh yeah, well my story is better than yours,” types of people. Someone said they’d always wanted to go to New Zealand, then I’m Better Than You Guy says HE’S been to New Zealand, and it was SOOO much better than Australia, because the ENTIRE COUNTRY OF AUSTRALIA is nothing but Outback and desert – just like on tv! I said under my breath, “No it isn’t, you idiot,” but I didn’t bother to engage in conversation with him. Moron. Kayles, I thought you’d enjoy that story...

Timmy and I caught a taxi at the pier and asked the driver to take us to Sapphire Beach. Two reasons we picked Sapphire Beach: 1. Frommer’s said it was good and not as crowded as Magens Bay and 2. Timmy’s brother The Postman has a time-share there and said it was good. There was a family in the taxi with us that included the parents, three kids under the age of 10, an infant, and a nanny. I can’t even imagine what that vacation must be like. But I digress.

We got to the beach right around 9 am. It was practically deserted. Except for about 10 huge iguanas that were wandering around. Ahhhh.

The beach was beautiful. It turned out to be a wonderful sunny day. Timmy splashed around in the water for most of the morning (he saw a sea turtle!) while I mostly sunbathed. We decided to go back to the ship around noon for a shower and some lunch. And just in time, too. As soon as we got back to the ship it started raining again. The buffet theme today was “Caribbean.” I tried fried plantains. They were yummy.

After lunch we went shopping in Charlotte Amalie. We bought a buttload of cheap alcohol at one of the shops right at the port, dropped it off at the ship, went back out and took a taxi downtown. Then we went to Del Sol – a store that sells t-shirts, nail polish, Frisbees, etc. all that change color in sunlight.

After that we went to Captain’s Corner. It’s a souvenir shop where you can buy “legal” Cuban cigars. We decided since it was only about a mile back to the ship that we would walk back. Good thing we did, there was a major traffic jam on account of one car overheating and blocking one lane of what appeared to be the major road around the island, which was only two lanes.


Just as we got back to the ship, what do you know it started raining again! Well, we watched from inside as the captain made an impressive 90 degree turn from the pier.

At dinner I had the best tomato soup I think I’ve ever had, oh yeah and tiramisu for dessert. Timmy had a squid appetizer. The waiters danced to that annoying “One hop this time, Two hops this time, Everybody clap your hands,” song. I ate way too much and felt sick. We went back to the room and the towel animal was a pig. How appropriate.

Cruise Log: Day Three

Rain Rain Go Away


Tuesday morning it rained… again. We got in the hot tub for a while (the pools were closed… AGAIN). Apparently there was a hot tub incident while I was gone to the bathroom. Timmy was sitting in the hot tub when a group of “youngsters” jumped in and started roughhousing. The Hot Tub Policewoman immediately came over and told them to get out because the hot tub is for adults only. One of them said, “But I’m FOURTEEN!” in a silly British accent. A note to my silly British friends: I heard this boy talking a few days later and he really did have a ridiculous accent. Sounded a bit like David. Anyway.


I got to meet Funship Freddie, or as I kept calling him, Freddie Flipper. The day's drink special was a Blue Margarita.


We arrived in San Juan a little bit early, just as the rain cleared up. As we got off the ship, Hector was there handing out maps of San Juan and saying, “Welcome to Hawaii. Aloha!” We had signed up for the Bacardi Rum Factory tour. Now, before we signed up for ANY excursions I had done some research (thanks to my Frommer’s guide to the Caribbean Ports of Call – a book I highly recommend to anyone planning a cruise). Frommer’s said that the Bacardi tour is something you should see in San Juan – but the tours booked through the cruise lines are much more expensive than just going yourself. However, our ship didn’t get to San Juan until 4 o’clock and the Bacardi factory closes to the public at 4:30. So the only way we’d be able to see it was through the cruise line tour. What the hell, we signed up for it.

The first thing they did was herd us all onto a bus just outside the pier. Then we drove literally AROUND THE BLOCK to where the tour boat was parked – JUST DOWN THE STREET FROM THE PIER!!! It couldn’t have been more than two blocks.


So after our whirlwind tour of downtown San Juan (HA!) we got on the little party boat for our “short ride across the harbor.” There was a guy making a big deal about how much rum he was pouring into the rum punch – “compliments of Bacardi!” That bottle must have been 75% water. We couldn’t even taste any rum in the rum punch. We rode the ferry across the harbor and then got on the little bus that took us to the Bacardi factory. Our bus driver was named Olga. I know, strange name for a Puerto Rican I thought. She was great. She kept saying, “Bueno,” “Listen,” and “Check this.” As in, “bueno, check this – we have all the benefits of the President, but we don’t vote for the President,” and “Listen, check this –two of Puerto Rico’s major exports is the Tylenol and the Viagra.” And one time she even said “Ay carumba” when another driver cut her off. Hee hee!


We got to the Bacardi factory just as it was getting dark. Now, when you take the Bacardi factory tour you don’t actually go through the Bacardi factory. Oh no. You go through a museum that is on the factory grounds. And the tour is “interactive” which means you don’t get a tour guide that tells you how the rum is made – you get a little tape player that looks like a cordless phone. The exhibits around the museum have numbered plaques, and you type in the number you want to hear about. Frankly, it was lame. They do have little “smelling stations” where you can compare how different grades and flavors of rum smell. And there was a brief demonstration where a bartender-type person explained how to make a rum and coke (duh) and a mojito.


After that, a quick ride around the Bacardi grounds to the company store! Timmy bought a bottle of special limited production rum you can only get at that factory. Then we were treated to 2 free Bacardi drinks. Timmy and I had 2 mojitos each. I’d had a mojito once before at a Cuban club in DC, but it must have been some kind of fruity-flavored mojito because I remember it had been almost too sweet to drink. But these were good.

Olga picked us up and took us on a nighttime “tour” of San Juan which included the freeway and a lot of American-chain stores and restaurants. Like Walgreens, Burger King, Toys R Us, Subway, and Chili’s. She also showed us the Capitol building and the statue that appears to be giving the capitol the finger (but he’s really just pointing at it.)


We decided to skip dinner at Senor Frog’s and just went back to the ship. We had dinner at the “Grand Buffet” since it was too late to go the dining room. Back to the room and we found another towel animal – an elephant!!!!