Last week we bought a ceramic pug. Pickles did NOT like it. She spent the entire first evening we had him (Buddy) barking at him.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
This Week's Headlines
I've lost 10 pounds! Hooray!!!!
One of my former suppliers offered me a job but I turned him down. He might be able to pay me the same or more, but I wouldn't get the benefits my current job gives me.
The Boss actually hired two people and is interviewing for a third. Huh.
Annoying Neighbors still haven't started their fence. Bastards.
It finally coolled down enough so we could start taking the dogs for walks in the evenings. Biggest challenge: keeping their leashes untangled. Also difficult: getting Pickles away from a smelly pile of random dog poo.
We got tickets to see the Foo Fighters in October!
Cowboy Co-Worker said that since I've taken over in the office it's been like someone switched on a light and all the problems he'd been dealing with for months suddenly disappeared. Bless him.
Whorish Shoe Girl has worn those leopard print heels with the fake diamond on the toe 3 times this week!
I've stayed up late every day this week in an attempt to see Mars but there are too many trees/it's too cloudy/can't stay up late enough because it doesn't even rise until 10:30. This week Mars is supposed to be the closest to Earth it will be for the next 2000 years or something. If I don't see it tonight or tomorrow night I'm going to miss it.
I finally heard the Aristocrats joke. I don't get it.
One of my former suppliers offered me a job but I turned him down. He might be able to pay me the same or more, but I wouldn't get the benefits my current job gives me.
The Boss actually hired two people and is interviewing for a third. Huh.
Annoying Neighbors still haven't started their fence. Bastards.
It finally coolled down enough so we could start taking the dogs for walks in the evenings. Biggest challenge: keeping their leashes untangled. Also difficult: getting Pickles away from a smelly pile of random dog poo.
We got tickets to see the Foo Fighters in October!
Cowboy Co-Worker said that since I've taken over in the office it's been like someone switched on a light and all the problems he'd been dealing with for months suddenly disappeared. Bless him.
Whorish Shoe Girl has worn those leopard print heels with the fake diamond on the toe 3 times this week!
I've stayed up late every day this week in an attempt to see Mars but there are too many trees/it's too cloudy/can't stay up late enough because it doesn't even rise until 10:30. This week Mars is supposed to be the closest to Earth it will be for the next 2000 years or something. If I don't see it tonight or tomorrow night I'm going to miss it.
I finally heard the Aristocrats joke. I don't get it.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Fantasy Football Season Is Upon Us Again
It's that time of year again. This is the 2nd year that our department at work has had a fantasy football league. For those of you not in the know - each team manager picks football players to be on their team. Depending on how well those players do each week, you get points. The team with the most points wins! Last year, I came in second place with Bestest Friend/Co-Worker winning. And we were the only females in the league. Ha ha ha! (We were pretty lame at the end. We both wanted the other to win, so we were all like, "Good luck!" "I hope your team kicks my team's ass!" Such girls.) So the pressure is on us both to do well again this year.
We had our draft tonight. Whew! I spent a lot of time over the last few days getting my cheat sheets ready. I totally didn't do any work today. But it was worth it and I think I ended up with a decent team.
Quarterback: Brett Favre - so excited to get Brett since he is my #1 football crush ever since I had that bizarro dream about him last year.
Reserve quarterback: Ben Roethlisberger - Not as cute as Brett but gets bonus points for having a funny name.
Running Backs: LaDainian Tomlinson (funny name), Tiki Barber (another funny name bonus), Brian Westbrook, and Ronnie Brown
Wide Receivers: Roy Williams, Chris Chambers, Brandon Lloyd, Brandon Stokley, and David Givens
Tight Ends: Todd Heap (I think that is also a funny name) and Ben Troupe
Kicker: Ryan Longwell
Defenses: Dolphins and Broncos
Season starts September 8!!!!! First game is me against The Boss. Eeek!
We had our draft tonight. Whew! I spent a lot of time over the last few days getting my cheat sheets ready. I totally didn't do any work today. But it was worth it and I think I ended up with a decent team.
Quarterback: Brett Favre - so excited to get Brett since he is my #1 football crush ever since I had that bizarro dream about him last year.
Reserve quarterback: Ben Roethlisberger - Not as cute as Brett but gets bonus points for having a funny name.
Running Backs: LaDainian Tomlinson (funny name), Tiki Barber (another funny name bonus), Brian Westbrook, and Ronnie Brown
Wide Receivers: Roy Williams, Chris Chambers, Brandon Lloyd, Brandon Stokley, and David Givens
Tight Ends: Todd Heap (I think that is also a funny name) and Ben Troupe
Kicker: Ryan Longwell
Defenses: Dolphins and Broncos
Season starts September 8!!!!! First game is me against The Boss. Eeek!
Back In Time
Timmy and I went to see Huey Lewis and the News last night. They were pretty good. Huey's getting older, but he still rocks.
There was a very very strange man sitting in front of us. He looked like Santa Claus, if Santa Claus were a biker. He had with him two rolls of electrical wire and a pair of wire cutters. He sat through the entire concert making trees and flowers out of wires. He said he needed to keep himself busy or he'd get into trouble.
I left the concert with a very strong desire to watch the Back to the Future movies.
There was a very very strange man sitting in front of us. He looked like Santa Claus, if Santa Claus were a biker. He had with him two rolls of electrical wire and a pair of wire cutters. He sat through the entire concert making trees and flowers out of wires. He said he needed to keep himself busy or he'd get into trouble.
I left the concert with a very strong desire to watch the Back to the Future movies.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Saturday, August 13, 2005
The Incredible Ignorance of Mark the Gorilla
One of my co-workers sends me emails every day with the most inane and asinine questions! They are so random and so not within my ability to answer. Here are some examples:
Why do our co-workers want laptops? Why don't they want Blackberry's instead?
When is The Boss's deadline for this report? (Reply to email which contains the time and date of the deadline TWICE.)
Why won't upper management approve blah blah blah?
Why did So-And-So sell some stock last week?
Has our CEO ever been the CEO of a company before?
Does this form replace this other form? (New form was for requesting contracts, old form was for setting up new suppliers - completely not the same thing.)
Why do our co-workers want laptops?
Why did I get this report? Why is it in Word and not Excel?
Why did The Boss write someone else's name on a sample that I submitted?
Why don't our co-workers want Blackberry's?
Agggghhhhh! At first I tried answering him, "You know, Mark the Gorilla (not his real name), I have no way of knowing why someone else decided to do something that is completely their own business. Would you like their direct number?"
Then I started deleting them without replying.
Now I forward them to Bestest Friend/Co-Worker for her amusement. Because it is so frequent, they've turned into Today's Stupid Question from Mark the Gorilla (not his real name).
Why do our co-workers want laptops? Why don't they want Blackberry's instead?
When is The Boss's deadline for this report? (Reply to email which contains the time and date of the deadline TWICE.)
Why won't upper management approve blah blah blah?
Why did So-And-So sell some stock last week?
Has our CEO ever been the CEO of a company before?
Does this form replace this other form? (New form was for requesting contracts, old form was for setting up new suppliers - completely not the same thing.)
Why do our co-workers want laptops?
Why did I get this report? Why is it in Word and not Excel?
Why did The Boss write someone else's name on a sample that I submitted?
Why don't our co-workers want Blackberry's?
Agggghhhhh! At first I tried answering him, "You know, Mark the Gorilla (not his real name), I have no way of knowing why someone else decided to do something that is completely their own business. Would you like their direct number?"
Then I started deleting them without replying.
Now I forward them to Bestest Friend/Co-Worker for her amusement. Because it is so frequent, they've turned into Today's Stupid Question from Mark the Gorilla (not his real name).
Office Gossip
This post is mostly for Bestest Friend/Co-Worker. But the rest of ya'll can also enjoy!
On Thursday I had to tell Whorish Shoe Girl that some samples she had sent to the lab were sent back because she didn't log them in before sending them. She yelled - in the middle of the crowded office - "You tell -Insert Lab Technician Guy's Name Here - that he can SUCK MY ASS!" I said, "Oookay." She said, "It was - Lab Technician Guy - wasn't it? You can tell me." I was like, "Actually, no, I didn't even speak to that guy today but now I'm certainly not going to tell you who it was and why does it even matter?"
She then went on to tell me that Lab Technician Guy was a pervert. He has been hitting on her for a while (and I guess she was allowing it) but then he tried to "take it to the next level" and when she turned him down he started badmouthing her all over the company. I said, "Isn't he married?" "Yes, and he's a pervert." She wanted to know if I thought she should tell her boss that LTG has been sexually-harassing her. I said, "Erm, I don't think so."
So yesterday I had to take WSG's samples back to the lab. Who should I run into while there? Lab Technician Guy! We started chatting and someone (not me!) brought up Whorish Shoe Girl. I said, "By the way, she wanted me to tell you something. She said you can SUCK HER ASS! What's THAT about?" He said it didn't surprise him that she would say something like that. Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed her inappropriate clothing and demeanor at work. Lab Technician Guy's BOSS told him "that girl is so unprofessional and incompetent, don't let her handle anything else for our department." HA! I mentioned that I was surprised at the way she was allowed to dress. Lab Technician Guy told me that she'd already been called into HR about it, and she was BRAGGING about it. He also said that every time he has to talk to her about business, she starts telling him about how she is sooo hungover from drinking the night before. And she's done this in meetings with our vendors! He said he actually had to take over one meeting because after an hour and a half she was still talking about how much she likes to get drunk. As the recipient of many of her hangover speeches myself, I tend to believe him.
Recap of 2 stories:
1. Nice, professional, married LTG hits on WSG, gets mad when she won't put out, and says mean things about her behind her back. OR...
2. WSG acts like a immature, spoiled, slut-bomb at our very conservative office. SHE tries to hit on LTG, maybe he flirts a little but then doesn't want to "take it to the next level" with her on account of his being married and her being a big ho, so she starts spreading vicious lies about HIM.
Anyone want to start taking bets on how long til she gets fired?
On Thursday I had to tell Whorish Shoe Girl that some samples she had sent to the lab were sent back because she didn't log them in before sending them. She yelled - in the middle of the crowded office - "You tell -Insert Lab Technician Guy's Name Here - that he can SUCK MY ASS!" I said, "Oookay." She said, "It was - Lab Technician Guy - wasn't it? You can tell me." I was like, "Actually, no, I didn't even speak to that guy today but now I'm certainly not going to tell you who it was and why does it even matter?"
She then went on to tell me that Lab Technician Guy was a pervert. He has been hitting on her for a while (and I guess she was allowing it) but then he tried to "take it to the next level" and when she turned him down he started badmouthing her all over the company. I said, "Isn't he married?" "Yes, and he's a pervert." She wanted to know if I thought she should tell her boss that LTG has been sexually-harassing her. I said, "Erm, I don't think so."
So yesterday I had to take WSG's samples back to the lab. Who should I run into while there? Lab Technician Guy! We started chatting and someone (not me!) brought up Whorish Shoe Girl. I said, "By the way, she wanted me to tell you something. She said you can SUCK HER ASS! What's THAT about?" He said it didn't surprise him that she would say something like that. Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed her inappropriate clothing and demeanor at work. Lab Technician Guy's BOSS told him "that girl is so unprofessional and incompetent, don't let her handle anything else for our department." HA! I mentioned that I was surprised at the way she was allowed to dress. Lab Technician Guy told me that she'd already been called into HR about it, and she was BRAGGING about it. He also said that every time he has to talk to her about business, she starts telling him about how she is sooo hungover from drinking the night before. And she's done this in meetings with our vendors! He said he actually had to take over one meeting because after an hour and a half she was still talking about how much she likes to get drunk. As the recipient of many of her hangover speeches myself, I tend to believe him.
Recap of 2 stories:
1. Nice, professional, married LTG hits on WSG, gets mad when she won't put out, and says mean things about her behind her back. OR...
2. WSG acts like a immature, spoiled, slut-bomb at our very conservative office. SHE tries to hit on LTG, maybe he flirts a little but then doesn't want to "take it to the next level" with her on account of his being married and her being a big ho, so she starts spreading vicious lies about HIM.
Anyone want to start taking bets on how long til she gets fired?
Am I CEO Material?
I was the acting Director of the Department all week while The Boss has been on vacation. I've been approving orders, reviewing expense reports, making big decisions, barking orders, etc. I sent out many important emails. I was involved in some "inter-departmental brainstorming sessions." I was told by SEVERAL people how much more smoothly things were running with me in charge. Now it appears that there may be a job opening at the top. Do ya'll think I should apply?
Monday, August 08, 2005
Cruise Preparations: Tanning
I bought a tanning package - 2 months unlimited tanning for $50. Woohoo! If you're new to tanning, here are some tips:
Start out slow. My first session they only let me have 6 minutes.
Stay at that level for 3 sessions, then if there is no pink-ness or burning, move up a minute or two. Then stay at that level for 3 sessions. The salon owner told me the first day that I could tan every day if I wanted. So I went Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. On Friday night my entire back-side was pinky/red. Yes, I mean my ENTIRE BACK-SIDE, backside included. Now I will only go every other day.
Place a sticker in the same spot every time so you can easily see how tan you've gotten. I use a dragonfly shape.
Use a tanning accelerator lotion. If you can, alternate between two different lotions.
Moisturize moisturize moisturize. I recommend after your morning shower and again before bed. Use a separate face moisturizer. I like Dove's daytime and nightime creams.
If you're in a tanning bed, you may have to flip around like a rotisserie chicken to avoid white streaks down your sides. It's always better to use a stand-up tanning booth if you can because you will get a more even, all-over tan.
Start out slow. My first session they only let me have 6 minutes.
Stay at that level for 3 sessions, then if there is no pink-ness or burning, move up a minute or two. Then stay at that level for 3 sessions. The salon owner told me the first day that I could tan every day if I wanted. So I went Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. On Friday night my entire back-side was pinky/red. Yes, I mean my ENTIRE BACK-SIDE, backside included. Now I will only go every other day.
Place a sticker in the same spot every time so you can easily see how tan you've gotten. I use a dragonfly shape.
Use a tanning accelerator lotion. If you can, alternate between two different lotions.
Moisturize moisturize moisturize. I recommend after your morning shower and again before bed. Use a separate face moisturizer. I like Dove's daytime and nightime creams.
If you're in a tanning bed, you may have to flip around like a rotisserie chicken to avoid white streaks down your sides. It's always better to use a stand-up tanning booth if you can because you will get a more even, all-over tan.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Cruise Preparations: Underwater Camera Shopping
We decided to buy an underwater camera to take on our snorkeling adventures. I used one when Kayles and I went snorkeling in Australia. It was a one-time use disposable camera and it was okay. But you had to be pretty much on top of the fishes or the pictures didn't come out.
Soooo, Timmy and I went to the mall last weekend and we stopped at Ritz Camera. We had a bad experience the last time we used Ritz to develop some photos. They cut them off in odd places, and didn't print all the photos on the film. But since we were there we decided to go in and see what they had.
Timmy asked the guy behind the counter what they had as far as underwater cameras. He showed us a digital camera that was $400. He had to look the price up in their catalog. We said, "what about a regular film camera?" He said they didn't have any. They used to have some, but they just collected dust so they shipped them back. Okay. Timmy got his picture taken for his passport and while we were waiting for the picture taker to get his stuff together, I started wandering around the store. And guess what I found?
I said, "Timmy! Look at these!"
T: "What is it?"
Me: "The underwater cameras that guy said they didn't have."
A girl was standing next to me messing with the digital scanner. She looked over at me when I made this remark and rolled her eyes.
Timmy came over and we started to look at the cameras that had miraculously appeared. We said to Stupid Clerk Guy "Hey! What about these?!" He was all like, "Uhhhhhhh." Suddenly, the Scanner Girl comes over and says "There are two kinds, one is disposable and the other is re-usable." Whoa! She worked there! She then went behind the counter and pulled out yet another model. "This one is on sale." Sure enough, it had a sticker on it that said $15.99. Timmy said to Stupid Clerk Guy, "I thought you didn't have any of these." Scanner Girl mumbled under her breath, "You just have to know who to ask."
I love you, Scanner Girl! You helped us get a decent, re-usable underwater camera for less than $20. Bless your heart.
Soooo, Timmy and I went to the mall last weekend and we stopped at Ritz Camera. We had a bad experience the last time we used Ritz to develop some photos. They cut them off in odd places, and didn't print all the photos on the film. But since we were there we decided to go in and see what they had.
Timmy asked the guy behind the counter what they had as far as underwater cameras. He showed us a digital camera that was $400. He had to look the price up in their catalog. We said, "what about a regular film camera?" He said they didn't have any. They used to have some, but they just collected dust so they shipped them back. Okay. Timmy got his picture taken for his passport and while we were waiting for the picture taker to get his stuff together, I started wandering around the store. And guess what I found?
I said, "Timmy! Look at these!"
T: "What is it?"
Me: "The underwater cameras that guy said they didn't have."
A girl was standing next to me messing with the digital scanner. She looked over at me when I made this remark and rolled her eyes.
Timmy came over and we started to look at the cameras that had miraculously appeared. We said to Stupid Clerk Guy "Hey! What about these?!" He was all like, "Uhhhhhhh." Suddenly, the Scanner Girl comes over and says "There are two kinds, one is disposable and the other is re-usable." Whoa! She worked there! She then went behind the counter and pulled out yet another model. "This one is on sale." Sure enough, it had a sticker on it that said $15.99. Timmy said to Stupid Clerk Guy, "I thought you didn't have any of these." Scanner Girl mumbled under her breath, "You just have to know who to ask."
I love you, Scanner Girl! You helped us get a decent, re-usable underwater camera for less than $20. Bless your heart.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Blogs Inspired By Me!
Small Town Humor - a friend of Bestest Friend/CoWorker's mom! Love your work. Check out the awesome picture of BFCW's dog Rilie.
Life of Kayles - Kayles!!!!! My bestest friend from Down Under and her adorable baby.
Life of Kayles - Kayles!!!!! My bestest friend from Down Under and her adorable baby.
Review of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The short short version.
I totally didn't expect the Half-Blood Prince to be who it was. I still think Dumbledore knew what he was doing, and I'm reserving judgement on Snape's actions.
Where was Vicky? He was cool. I'd like to see more of Fred and George. And more Neville next time, please. And even though they are horrible, there just wasn't enough of the Dursley's in this book.
I think the prophecy means that both Harry and Voldemort will have to die.
I've always thought Ron and Hermione would end up together. It was inevitable. I kind of thought Luna and Harry would make a great couple, but of course Ginny Weasley is a great choice too. But if Harry dies Ginny can always hook up with Neville.
Harry seemed to have gotten over his teenage angst rather quickly, didn't he? He spent almost the entire 5th book in a temper tantrum, but I thought he was kind of subdued in this book. Could be attributed to Sirius Black's death I suppose.
What role will Kreacher play in the final book? And Wormtail? And the new Minister of Magic? Who else will die before the end? Ponderous, man, ponderous.
I totally didn't expect the Half-Blood Prince to be who it was. I still think Dumbledore knew what he was doing, and I'm reserving judgement on Snape's actions.
Where was Vicky? He was cool. I'd like to see more of Fred and George. And more Neville next time, please. And even though they are horrible, there just wasn't enough of the Dursley's in this book.
I think the prophecy means that both Harry and Voldemort will have to die.
I've always thought Ron and Hermione would end up together. It was inevitable. I kind of thought Luna and Harry would make a great couple, but of course Ginny Weasley is a great choice too. But if Harry dies Ginny can always hook up with Neville.
Harry seemed to have gotten over his teenage angst rather quickly, didn't he? He spent almost the entire 5th book in a temper tantrum, but I thought he was kind of subdued in this book. Could be attributed to Sirius Black's death I suppose.
What role will Kreacher play in the final book? And Wormtail? And the new Minister of Magic? Who else will die before the end? Ponderous, man, ponderous.
Daily Ramblings
Saw a Hummer painted with the Sheetz logo. The license plate said “YUMMER.” Made me giggle.
Work has been shite all week since it was the month-end and I was out all last week and there’s a check run tomorrow. Everybody needs everything done RIGHT NOW! I don’t think I missed anything major, but a few smaller things got pushed to the side. I screwed a couple of things up but nothing that can’t be fixed next week.
Yet Another CoWorker Who Quit Last Week is always very well dressed. I will miss seeing her jaunty scarves in the office every day. And she’s very very nice, too.
Office party for several coworkers who quit recently last night, including YACWWQLW. Timmy got to meet The Boss and Whorish Shoe Girl. He said The Boss seems kind of dorky and Whorish Shoe Girl wasn’t as fat as he thought. She was wearing a bright blue tube top with a tight white skirt, matching blue shoes with 4 inch stiletto heels and matching blue eyeshadow. Her silly shoes almost made her fall down some stairs and onto Timmy. He wouldn’t have thought she wasn’t that fat when she landed on him! Guy From Spain was at the party – just in from Spain. WSG is going to be his assistant. GFS’s wife was hysterical about it. She was telling me that she couldn’t believe that WSG worked for our company because of the way she was dressed. I was all, "Have you seen her shoes?! That's your husband's new assistant!!!! And by the way, look at her shoes!" She rolled her eyes and said she'd already had a talk with him about it.
This morning WSG was over an hour late to work. She told me that she had gone to another bar last night after the office party, got really wasted, ran into an ex-boyfriend, told him she hated him, had some shots, cried in the bar, told him she loved him, hooked up with some sales trainee, got Hapless Sales Trainee to take her drunk ass home, and passed out. At least, that's all that she remembers. Was I supposed to be impressed by this story? I said, "Well, that sounds like fun" and walked off. Friggin Idiot!
I should probably start working on the novel again. I think it will be funny, and if Janet Evanovich can write 11 Stephanie Plum novels and make millions of dollars well then so can I!
Work has been shite all week since it was the month-end and I was out all last week and there’s a check run tomorrow. Everybody needs everything done RIGHT NOW! I don’t think I missed anything major, but a few smaller things got pushed to the side. I screwed a couple of things up but nothing that can’t be fixed next week.
Yet Another CoWorker Who Quit Last Week is always very well dressed. I will miss seeing her jaunty scarves in the office every day. And she’s very very nice, too.
Office party for several coworkers who quit recently last night, including YACWWQLW. Timmy got to meet The Boss and Whorish Shoe Girl. He said The Boss seems kind of dorky and Whorish Shoe Girl wasn’t as fat as he thought. She was wearing a bright blue tube top with a tight white skirt, matching blue shoes with 4 inch stiletto heels and matching blue eyeshadow. Her silly shoes almost made her fall down some stairs and onto Timmy. He wouldn’t have thought she wasn’t that fat when she landed on him! Guy From Spain was at the party – just in from Spain. WSG is going to be his assistant. GFS’s wife was hysterical about it. She was telling me that she couldn’t believe that WSG worked for our company because of the way she was dressed. I was all, "Have you seen her shoes?! That's your husband's new assistant!!!! And by the way, look at her shoes!" She rolled her eyes and said she'd already had a talk with him about it.
This morning WSG was over an hour late to work. She told me that she had gone to another bar last night after the office party, got really wasted, ran into an ex-boyfriend, told him she hated him, had some shots, cried in the bar, told him she loved him, hooked up with some sales trainee, got Hapless Sales Trainee to take her drunk ass home, and passed out. At least, that's all that she remembers. Was I supposed to be impressed by this story? I said, "Well, that sounds like fun" and walked off. Friggin Idiot!
I should probably start working on the novel again. I think it will be funny, and if Janet Evanovich can write 11 Stephanie Plum novels and make millions of dollars well then so can I!
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