That pretty pretty necklace was one of her birthday presents. Isn't she pretty?
Monday, July 31, 2006
Happy Birthday Pickles!
Pretty Pretty Princess Pickles is 2 years old today!
That pretty pretty necklace was one of her birthday presents. Isn't she pretty?
That pretty pretty necklace was one of her birthday presents. Isn't she pretty?
WSG Has a Birthday
Last week it was Whorish Shoe Girl’s birthday. Her friend Paris threw her a birthday party. I’ve seen the pictures.
Before the party:
I hear this conversation as Paris’s boss walks by.
P: Hey Boss! Check out these party favors!
Boss: Oh jeez. For God’s sake don’t let anyone from HR see those. And I never saw them either. (runs away shaking head.)
At the party:
WSG and Paris get really wasted (surprise!) The birthday cake, which had Casey Kahne's face painted in frosting, got smashed into WSG's scantily clad chest. Then Paris licked some of the frosting off of WSG's chest. A cake-fight ensued, and eventually both girls were covered in cake. So they stripped down to their underwear and got hosed off... in the middle of the party. Then WSG took off everything except her panties and ran through the party for about an hour. Then she put on a shirt. Everyone did more shots. (Paris showed me and everyone else in the office all of the photos. They have no shame.)
After the party:
WSG got emotional and told Paris that she'd been staying at That Guy's house every night for the past week. But they are NOT back together. ???? Paris yelled at WSG for being a dumbass. WSG leaves in a snit. The next morning Paris rolls into work about an hour late and WSG doesn't show up until after lunch. Final verdict: A good time was had by all (Paris's exact words.)
Before the party:
I hear this conversation as Paris’s boss walks by.
P: Hey Boss! Check out these party favors!
Boss: Oh jeez. For God’s sake don’t let anyone from HR see those. And I never saw them either. (runs away shaking head.)
At the party:
WSG and Paris get really wasted (surprise!) The birthday cake, which had Casey Kahne's face painted in frosting, got smashed into WSG's scantily clad chest. Then Paris licked some of the frosting off of WSG's chest. A cake-fight ensued, and eventually both girls were covered in cake. So they stripped down to their underwear and got hosed off... in the middle of the party. Then WSG took off everything except her panties and ran through the party for about an hour. Then she put on a shirt. Everyone did more shots. (Paris showed me and everyone else in the office all of the photos. They have no shame.)
After the party:
WSG got emotional and told Paris that she'd been staying at That Guy's house every night for the past week. But they are NOT back together. ???? Paris yelled at WSG for being a dumbass. WSG leaves in a snit. The next morning Paris rolls into work about an hour late and WSG doesn't show up until after lunch. Final verdict: A good time was had by all (Paris's exact words.)
New Show You Must Watch
It's called "Psych!" No really. It's about a guy with a photographic memory and highly tuned sense of observation who pretends to be psychic so he can work as a private investigator. It's really clever and funny. WATCH IT!!!!!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
This is Just Awful (True, But Awful)
About two months ago, Whorish Shoe Girl says to me “Jen, I am in love. I’m through running around with all these guys. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.” I said, “okay, who is this guy?” She said they’d known each other all their lives but just never got together before, but now they are together and it’s perfect. I was like, “how long have you been going out?” “Since last week,” she says.
About a week later, Whorish Shoe Girl is telling everyone in the office how much she hates the guy. “We got into a big fight last night and this morning I drove past his wife’s house and his car was out front. Do you believe that shit?” I was all, “he’s fucking MARRIED?!” “Oh yeah, they’re separated.” Helpfully, I said, “apparently not anymore.” “Yeah, well fuck him and fuck her. She can have his stupid ass. I don’t even care.” And she went on with her normal drinking and carrying on lifestyle.
A few weeks later, I hear Whorish Shoe Girl and Paris talking, not whispering, in the office. I only heard about half of the conversation, but I can figure out the subject. I text BFCW “I think Whorish Shoe Girl is preggers.” For the next few days, I keep hearing her talk about it with various people, including #1DMBFan, who as you know is also pregnant. But I don’t say anything. Then one day, Whorish Shoe Girl sends me an email.
WSG: So, have you heard about my situation?
Me: I don’t know what situation you’re talking about, but if you mean ‘condition’ then I think I have an idea.
WSG: Yeah, I meant condition. Don’t tell anybody. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t even fucking like kids. Do you want it?
Me: No.
I forward this email to Timmy with just a one word commentary “Idiot.”
Of course it gets around the office very quickly that she is ‘expecting.’ The only people I told were BFCW and SCWE, just because they are not in the office and it’s my duty to keep them up to date with all the goings on there. EVERYONE else found out because of Whorish Shoe Girl’s own big mouth. She just wouldn’t shut up about it. Telling everyone how happy (!) she was and that she and the father are getting an apartment together (?!) and they love each other again, blah blah blah. She even quit smoking and drinking!
Everything seemed fine for a few weeks. Then she got into another fight with The Guy, who by this time I’ve learned has a bunch of tattoos and is (gasp!) a democrat. Now she’s not moving in with him but they’re still together, sort of.
Then 2 weeks ago she went on a business trip with our boss. She was supposed to be back in the office on that Friday, but didn’t come in. On Monday morning, I heard her on the phone with one of her friends.
“Oh girl! Let me tell you what happened to me! I got twins!!! Yeah! But I lost one last week. Oh no, I’m fine. Yeah, really. Seriously, what the hell was I going to do with TWO?! Ha ha ha! Yeah, it’s cool. Okay, well I’ve got to go. Talk to you later. Bye!”
Not a lie.
So I go ask the admin for our department, cuz she’s always got the scoop. She told me that Whorish Shoe Girl had started miscarrying during the flight back to Virginia and had to be taken directly from the plane to the airport medic. She lost one of the babies but the other was fine. And The Boss was totally freaked out by the whole thing. (I kind of wish I could have seen that actually. He's so scared of women.)
The thing that really bugged me was she seemed so chipper about it! Like it was a big adventure. She even told the VP of the company the story, and laughed about it. He was suitably concerned, but she just waved her hand and laughed and laughed.
It gets worse.
Last Wednesday, Whorish Shoe Girl and I are discussing something work-related, when she just bursts out with, “I can’t have this baby. I’m getting an abortion and telling everyone I miscarried. Don’t tell anybody.” I was like “……uh…” I mean, what do you say to that?! Again with the “don’t tell anybody” and she’s standing in the middle of the office NOT WHISPERING.
Thursday she didn’t come to work and then Friday she came in complaining that they didn’t give her any good pain medication so she drank a half a bottle of wine the night before. She also told everyone her “story,” again almost bragging. I heard her on the phone with The Guy. She told him she hated him and had an abortion and never wanted to talk to him. And also, "who was that whore that answered your phone last night?!" She was shouting at him IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OFFICE. So much for not telling anybody.
That afternoon, Paris is making plans to go out and I hear THIS conversation.
WSG: What time are you going out?
P: Around 7:30. Are you going to come?
WSG: I don’t know. I don’t really feel well.
P: Oh, I hope you feel better. (and I think to myself, oh that’s nice.)
P: I don’t want to go out by myself.
Morons.
About a week later, Whorish Shoe Girl is telling everyone in the office how much she hates the guy. “We got into a big fight last night and this morning I drove past his wife’s house and his car was out front. Do you believe that shit?” I was all, “he’s fucking MARRIED?!” “Oh yeah, they’re separated.” Helpfully, I said, “apparently not anymore.” “Yeah, well fuck him and fuck her. She can have his stupid ass. I don’t even care.” And she went on with her normal drinking and carrying on lifestyle.
A few weeks later, I hear Whorish Shoe Girl and Paris talking, not whispering, in the office. I only heard about half of the conversation, but I can figure out the subject. I text BFCW “I think Whorish Shoe Girl is preggers.” For the next few days, I keep hearing her talk about it with various people, including #1DMBFan, who as you know is also pregnant. But I don’t say anything. Then one day, Whorish Shoe Girl sends me an email.
WSG: So, have you heard about my situation?
Me: I don’t know what situation you’re talking about, but if you mean ‘condition’ then I think I have an idea.
WSG: Yeah, I meant condition. Don’t tell anybody. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t even fucking like kids. Do you want it?
Me: No.
I forward this email to Timmy with just a one word commentary “Idiot.”
Of course it gets around the office very quickly that she is ‘expecting.’ The only people I told were BFCW and SCWE, just because they are not in the office and it’s my duty to keep them up to date with all the goings on there. EVERYONE else found out because of Whorish Shoe Girl’s own big mouth. She just wouldn’t shut up about it. Telling everyone how happy (!) she was and that she and the father are getting an apartment together (?!) and they love each other again, blah blah blah. She even quit smoking and drinking!
Everything seemed fine for a few weeks. Then she got into another fight with The Guy, who by this time I’ve learned has a bunch of tattoos and is (gasp!) a democrat. Now she’s not moving in with him but they’re still together, sort of.
Then 2 weeks ago she went on a business trip with our boss. She was supposed to be back in the office on that Friday, but didn’t come in. On Monday morning, I heard her on the phone with one of her friends.
“Oh girl! Let me tell you what happened to me! I got twins!!! Yeah! But I lost one last week. Oh no, I’m fine. Yeah, really. Seriously, what the hell was I going to do with TWO?! Ha ha ha! Yeah, it’s cool. Okay, well I’ve got to go. Talk to you later. Bye!”
Not a lie.
So I go ask the admin for our department, cuz she’s always got the scoop. She told me that Whorish Shoe Girl had started miscarrying during the flight back to Virginia and had to be taken directly from the plane to the airport medic. She lost one of the babies but the other was fine. And The Boss was totally freaked out by the whole thing. (I kind of wish I could have seen that actually. He's so scared of women.)
The thing that really bugged me was she seemed so chipper about it! Like it was a big adventure. She even told the VP of the company the story, and laughed about it. He was suitably concerned, but she just waved her hand and laughed and laughed.
It gets worse.
Last Wednesday, Whorish Shoe Girl and I are discussing something work-related, when she just bursts out with, “I can’t have this baby. I’m getting an abortion and telling everyone I miscarried. Don’t tell anybody.” I was like “……uh…” I mean, what do you say to that?! Again with the “don’t tell anybody” and she’s standing in the middle of the office NOT WHISPERING.
Thursday she didn’t come to work and then Friday she came in complaining that they didn’t give her any good pain medication so she drank a half a bottle of wine the night before. She also told everyone her “story,” again almost bragging. I heard her on the phone with The Guy. She told him she hated him and had an abortion and never wanted to talk to him. And also, "who was that whore that answered your phone last night?!" She was shouting at him IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OFFICE. So much for not telling anybody.
That afternoon, Paris is making plans to go out and I hear THIS conversation.
WSG: What time are you going out?
P: Around 7:30. Are you going to come?
WSG: I don’t know. I don’t really feel well.
P: Oh, I hope you feel better. (and I think to myself, oh that’s nice.)
P: I don’t want to go out by myself.
Morons.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Super Dreams
After seeing Superman Returns yesterday, then falling asleep while watching Superman The Movie, I had a Super dream. I dreamt that Superman (Brandon Routh version) asked me to marry him, but the ring he gave me was so freaking ugly that I didn't know how to tell him without hurting his superfeelings. Quite the dilemma.
In real life, if Superman (or Brandon Routh!) asked me to marry him, I think I could deal with an ugly ring. Seriously.
In real life, if Superman (or Brandon Routh!) asked me to marry him, I think I could deal with an ugly ring. Seriously.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Superman Returns... And He's Yummy
I like the new Superman. I think he fills out his supersuit very nicely. And I LOVE the super hot pants he wears.
Umm, what? Oh right, the rest of the movie was good, too.
I just have one tiny ... not really complaint ... more of an observation. Superman/Clark Kent drank a beer! I don't remember him ever drinking before, except of course in Superman 3 when he was contaminated with the bad kryptonite and got all evil and stuff. THEN he got drunk. But under normal circumstances, did Superman ever drink alcohol before?! Please correct me if I'm wrong but I think the answer is NO. I'm pretty sure he drank a glass of wine now and then when he was on Lois and Clark. Does that count?
Anyway, new Superman = very tasty. Loves it!!!!
Umm, what? Oh right, the rest of the movie was good, too.
I just have one tiny ... not really complaint ... more of an observation. Superman/Clark Kent drank a beer! I don't remember him ever drinking before, except of course in Superman 3 when he was contaminated with the bad kryptonite and got all evil and stuff. THEN he got drunk. But under normal circumstances, did Superman ever drink alcohol before?! Please correct me if I'm wrong but I think the answer is NO. I'm pretty sure he drank a glass of wine now and then when he was on Lois and Clark. Does that count?
Anyway, new Superman = very tasty. Loves it!!!!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
