Yesterday at lunch Timmy let me know that his friend from high school and college was coming to town with his girlfriend and they wanted to go to dinner with us. Ack. Now I have to find a shirt that doesn’t make me look fat and do SOMETHING with my hair and PUT ON MAKEUP. Then he’s like, "I’m not sure if they’ll want to come by the house," which means, "why don’t you pick up just in case since you’re already home and all I’m sure you won’t mind will you sweetie?" Yes, in fact, I actually do mind. So there. Just cause I was at home doesn't mean I didn't have a full day. "Well, he’s buying me some beer," I thought. "If I have to sit there and pretend to be interesting to these people he's known for years who I've never even met, I'm going to need some alcohol." For the record, I only had two beers.
Okay, so I was completely prepared to absolutely hate Tim’s friend...let's call him Mr. Gap. He has a wine collection that's all he talks about and he always wears clothes from The Gap (hence the name). Yeah, his scruffy-on-purpose untucked shirt and precisely-maintained stubble were a little trendy... two years ago anyway. But he turned out to be okay. I liked him. I noticed his head sits too low on his shoulders, kind of like one of those bobblehead dolls. And either he was really tired or he just looks stoned all the time. I liked his girlfriend too...we'll call her Ms. Gap. She was cool. She thought I was funny, and anyone who thinks I am funny obviously has an excellent sense of humor.
During dinner Ms. Gap said something like she didn't want to have kids until she was at least 30. Then later Timmy was all, "I guess she didn't know how old you are." HUH? How OLD I am? I am 29 and that is NOT OLD, thank you. And just for the record, I'm not in any hurry to have kids either. If I ever think about having kids, all I have to do is go to Wal-mart on a Saturday and I am cured within 5 minutes.
I hate Wal-mart.
Things I hate about Wal-mart:
1. Screaming kids. Even better are the precocious kids who get into EVERYTHING and the parents who have wandered off without them.
2. People in such a big hurry to shop that they practically run you over with their shopping cart.
3. Surly employees.
4. Those people who manage to block the entire cookie aisle with their carts and bodies, and somehow can't see you straining to look around them, or even hear you when you politely ask them to get their fat asses out of the way so you can reach the Oreos.
5. People standing there (again, blocking something YOU want to look at) having a very loud and VERY personal conversation on their cell phones. I don't mind the occasional "Honey, do I need to pick up some cream cheese since I'm here?" call, but I do NOT want to hear about who Susie saw with Jason at the basketball game last night, and how she can't believe that Shauna would actually wear that shirt in public.
6. Probably those same pushy cart people who almost ran you down before, now they are RIGHT BEHIND you in the check-out line, and they CANNOT WAIT to put their stuff on the belt. They reach over you to snatch the divider, then shove it RIGHT UP against your groceries and nearly knock you over in their haste to unload their cart. I've been hit more than a few times in this scenario.
I'm not even going to get into what goes on in the parking lot.
Happy Easter everybody!
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