Easter Shellfish

Easter was an experience. We went to Timmy’s parents’ house. When we got there Tim’s dad was listening to one of his internet talk shows, which he turned up to full volume so that we could all "enjoy it." This one was discussing the theory that angels and extraterrestrials are multi-dimensional beings that exist on another plane of existence but sometimes appear in ours. Whatever. At least it wasn’t another conspiracy theory lecture. We got one of those when their satellite dish started to download programming information. He started shouting about how the government is monitoring everything he watches and they put it in a giant database along with his credit card number, and that gets cross-referenced with all the groceries he buys and his telephone calls.

And for dinner - Guess what? No ham! We had shrimp and lobster. It was okay, but whoever heard of shellfish for Easter Dinner? Tim's sullen Sister-In-Law brought her “famous” macaroni and cheese which tastes like cardboard. I don’t like Tim’s mom’s cooking anyway. I’ve learned to eat before going over there and take very small portions of everything then fill up on rolls. Tim’s dad did his usual cutesy-annoying act by constantly offering me foods he knew I didn’t want, then sneaking said foods onto my plate after I've already told him at least 5 times in a row that I don't want any more damned broccoli, just quit it already!...in a polite way of course. Tim's nephew was a pain in the ass all day - hounding everyone unless they were paying attention to him and displaying THE WORST TABLE MANNERS in the universe. I don't know how I got the privilege of sitting next to him, but I can't watch him eat. He's disgusting and no one ever corrects him. After dinner, Tim’s dad started shouting that he wanted someone to go get him a Wendy’s cheeseburger. Then he started shouting at me, “What kind of cheeseburger do you want?! Tim, go to Wendy's and get poor Jen a cheeseburger!!!!” Arggggh. When I say shouting, that's not an exaggeration. I mean he was literally SHOUTING at us.

Tim's nephew relentlessly pestered Tim and The Postman (Tim's brother) into playing poker. He doesn’t know how to play, so he kept betting all his chips on every hand, no matter what it was. Then he would squeal extremely loudly every time he got any cards. That pissed Tim off, so he went to hide in the basement. Leaving me upstairs with his parents and his brother’s family. Great. Lucky for me I jumped on the computer when they were all distracted and spent a blissful 3 hours playing freecell. It gave me eyestrain and a headache, but it was worth it to not have to talk to them all. Until The Nephew got bored hassling the adults and started terrorizing Pickles Puglet. He grabbed her and pinned her to the floor on her back. Then he picked up her and carried her around by her harness. She escaped and hid under the table. Then he started jumping around in her face and shouting like a monkey. OOOOH OOOOOH AHHHHHHH BLEEEEGHHHHH!!! Finally I told him to leave her alone or I would kill him. He thought I was kidding.

We were both exhausted when we got home at 9:30. Between actively ignoring The Nephew, narrowly escaping several arguments with Timmy's dad, listening to The Postman's latest get-rich-quick schemes (the latest one involves raising worms), graciously listening to Timmy's mother's advice about EVERYTHING in the world EVER, and constantly watching Pickles Puglet to make sure she didn't leave them a souvenir under the couch - it was a loooooong day.