How To Tame a Feral Kitten

Step One - Snatch kitten from hiding spot in bushes one Sunday afternoon. Wear long sleeved sweatshirt and jeans for protection from panic-stricken hissy fit. Ignore baleful looks from Mama Kitty.

Step Two - Ignore disgusted looks from inside cats as you spirit the kitten through the house and into the bathroom for de-flea-ing.

Step Three - Give terrified kitten bath in sink. This is to kill fleas. Use room temperature water and mild dish detergent. Kitten may hiss, scratch, spit, or try to escape. You're still wearing the long-sleeved sweatshirt, right? Use a flea comb to get all the fleas out of the kitten's fur.

Step Four - Dry off kitten and place in empty dog crate with a small litter box, a bowl of water and a small towel to use as a blanket. Cover the crate with an old sheet so the kitten won't feel exposed. Have a radio or tv playing softly nearby so kitten can get used to people noises.

Step Five - Lock up all other animals in your house. Don't let them in the same room as the kitten. There are two reasons for this: 1. To prevent spread of whatever infectious diseases the kitten may have. 2. To prevent psycho-jealous catfight on the kitten's already traumatic first day in the house.

Step Six - Apply antibacterial ointment and bandages to gashes in hands and arms from terrified kitten during bathtime.

Step Seven - Give the kitten some time alone to get over it. Spend quality time with other pets, as they are probably pissed at your betrayal.

Step Eight - After a while, attempt to get kitten interested in eating. Smelly canned food is best, the smellier the better. You can also try chicken and rice baby food. If the kitten seems too scared of your hand to eat, try smearing just a little bit on its lips. If it is still too scared of you, just leave a dollop in the food dish and step away.

Step Nine - Talk to the kitten whenever you get the urge. Try to get the kitten to associate you with feeding time. If the kitten seems up to it, open the crate and let it out to explore the room. Don't give it free roam of the house and don't let your other pets in the room while the kitten is out.

Step Ten - Watch incredulously as your boyfriend somehow manages to tame this "wild" kitten within the first day. Start calling the kitten "Fuzz Butt" as a joke.

Step Eleven - Roll your eyes when boyfriend declares that he wants to keep this kitten. Remind him that you already have two other cats and a dog, AND he's the one who's been lobbying for a second dog. Start thinking of alternative names so that "Fuzz Butt" doesn't end up permanent. These nicknames have a way of sticking, as you have already discovered which is why you have a cat named Krusty.

Step Twelve - Decide kitten is pretty tame so move bed, food and litter box to bathroom. Let other animals loose in the house again. Tell them to "get over it" as they stalk through the house growling at the unknown kitten scent.

Step Thirteen - Start spreading it around town that you have a Free Kitten to Good Home. Pray someone responds soon so you don't end up with three cats.

If you are patient, a 6-8 week old kitten should become accustomed to you within a matter of days. They seem to be easier to tame alone rather than in groups. However, beware of anxiety-caused all night yowling on the first few nights if you just have the one kitten. You would not believe how loud such a little kitten can be in the middle of the night.